American Idol Season 8Top 36 Group 3

Simon: I just don't get the shopping thing.
Kara: I mean, I wanna know what she's like.
Simon: I mean shop what? Shoes? Popcorn?
Kara: Wait! I'm trying to see what she's like as a person, personality. Is she bubbly? Is she sweet? I'm not getting that.
Simon: What breakfast cereal do you like?
Randy: Do you like soy milk or regular milk?
Simon: Exactly.

The above exchange during Taylor Vaifanua's review Tuesday night essentially summed up the problem with Season 8 of "American Idol." Why are the judges looking for shallow, superficial qualities -- such as Kara wondering, "What's it like to go shopping with Taylor?" -- instead of just worrying about whether contestants are viable singers? Frankly, we don't give a rat's ass about what it's like to go shopping with anyone. We just want to know if their music is going to move us.

Though Group 3 was far from perfect, as a whole they were much better than Groups 1 and 2. They were mostly -- but not always -- in tune. And if we are going to spend 11 weeks listening to singing, we'd certainly rather listen to the better singers, not just the three fortunate enough to squeak through from each group. What is inherently wrong with the Wild Card system is that better singers in stronger groups lose their shot, while lesser contestants from weaker groups make it through. We'd rather listen to Von Smith, who is doomed unless he grabs a Wild Card slot, than Michael Sarver. And was Felicia Barton dragged back to Hollywood after Joanna Pacitti was disqualified, just so medicore-but-blind Scott MacIntyre or Kris Allen could steal the spot she deserves more than them?

When you let people grow week-by-week and eliminate the ones who receive the least votes, instead of putting through the ones with the most votes, you have a better chance of getting the best mix of singers into the finals.

Plus, the way things are shaping up, the finals will be top heavy with guys. Right now, the count is 4 boys, 2 girls. And it looks as if it will be 6-3 going into the Wild Card round. So unless the judges pick three more women in that round-- which is highly *Anoop Desai* unlikely -- it will be, at best, 7 guys vs. 5 girls.

One interesting note: Many of the song titles seemed to fit the contestants who sang them on Tuesday.

We're the first to admit that we hated Von Smith prior to Tuesday night, and were prepared to turn our nose up once more at the overly dramatic, shouting singer who vaguely resembles Michael Bublé. But guess what (and this is why week-to-week growth is more interesting to watch than a one-shot selection)? He turned us around with his performance of Marvin Gaye's "You're All I Need to Get By" [fitting song title alert]. He toned down the theatrics while at the same time giving the song a contemporary vibe. And, he didn't shout. Although we didn't necessarily agree with Simon Cowell, who said Von was reminiscent of Clay Aiken, we thought it was the best opener thus far. Though we could have lived without the pointy-head hair.

Watch video of Von Smith singing "You're All I Need to Get By" by Marvin Gaye

Any high hopes we had for Taylor Vaifanua after watching her audition in Salt Lake City were dashed with her weak performance of Alicia Keys' "If I Ain't Got You," [fitting song title alert] though we do give her the prize for most-improved post-audition appearance. She's become quite stunning since getting to Hollywood. Unfortunately, the transformation didn't carry over to her voice, which seemed overwhelmed by a song that was bigger than it was. Other than leaving Kara DioGuardi "cold" and wanting to go shopping with her, the judges found Taylor's performance bland and boring. We'd have to agree and throw in pitchy, as well.

Watch video of Taylor Vaifanua singing "If I Ain't Got You" by Alicia Keys

We bestow the "Trainwreck of the Night Award" on Alex Wagner-Trugman, who we previously found gawky, or in his words, "dorky." Brooke White warned you Alex: Don't Google yourself. His rendition of Elton John's "I Guess That Why They Call It the Blues" [fitting song title alert] started out OK, then went totally spastic, both physically and vocally. Alex started doing jerky dance movements, eventually accidentally dropping the mic stand, and added, as Simon said, a "ridiculous growling" element to his singing. Though Alex said he was just trying to have fun, the whole thing came off as comical, and nor in a good way, like Nick Marshall. It went way beyond dorky, all the way to weird. The judges had nary a kind word to say, though Paula Abdul tried to couch the criticism -- and laughter -- with "You certainly are the showman."

Watch video of Alex Wagner-Trugman singing "I Guess That Why They Call It the Blues" by Elton John

Coming in a close second for the trainwreck award was Arianna Afsar, who has a powerhouse voice, but made a hot mess of ABBA's "The Winner Takes It All" [fitting song title/lyrics alert: The winner takes it all/The loser standing small/Beside the victory/That's her destiny]. Trying to put her own spin on the song, her voice went all over the place, as did her tempo: at times was in ahead of the music, other times she was behind it. It sounded as if she had never rehearsed it with the band. Plus, the first half of the song trudged along interminably. When the judges asked her why such as sunny, cute-as-a-button girl would sing a song that was so dark, depressing and dreary (Simon compared the first half to a funeral), Arianna said she knew it was an old song, but she tried to make it contemporary. Cowell put it succinctly: "Well you didn't," adding that it was her "worst performance by a clear mile."

Watch video of Arianna Afsar singing "The Winner Takes It All" by ABBA

Fortunately, the show took an upward turn at this point (hey, it only took four contestants). We had been rooting for Ju'Not Joyner since last season. We think this year is the young father's time to shine. He once again sang the Plain White T's "Hey There Delilah," and was even better than when he sang it in Hollywood. It was his own R&B spin on the song. Ju'Not made it tender and sensitive. He hit a bad note here and there, but overall it was a really nice performance, and we're pulling for him to get that third finalist's spot tonight (there's no stopping the dynamic Lil Rounds or the less-than-dynamic Scott MacIntyre). The judges give him good reviews, with Randy Jackson telling Ju'Not that he loved the way he switched the song up (so did we). Though calling it "a little bit safe," Simon said Ju'Not the performance was better than he thought it was going to be.

Watch video of Ju'Not Joyner singing "Hey There Delilah" by the Plain White T's

Though she has a powerful voice that we never quite expect, something that we can't define about Kristen McNamara has annoyed us since her audition. She puts a not unpleasing spin on Tracy Chapman's "Give Me One Reason" [fitting song title/lyrics alert: Give me one reason to stay here/and I'll turn right back around], but to parrot Kara, the whole thing left us cold. Kara and Paula both praise her voice, but would prefer to hear a song with more of a rock edge, something by Kelly Clarkson or P!nk. Simon and Randy can't figure out who Kristen is (maybe they should go shopping with her :b), with Randy adding that she did too much with the song.

Watch video of Kristen McNamara singing "Give Me One Reason" by Tracy Chapman

Nathaniel Marshall like's to stand out: He has studs in his face, tattoos all over his arms and wears what Simon calls an Olivia Newton-John headband (and who Randy twice refers to as Elton John, duh!). Sadly for Nate, the one thing that doesn't stand out is his voice. Truth be told, we fell asleep during his performance and had to rewind the DVR (OK, we didn't rewind it, we heard enough to know we didn't want to hear the part we missed). His version of Meatloaf's "I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)" [fitting song title alert, even Simon remarked on it] was boring. We kept hearing from the judges and Nathaniel himself that he's a fun guy. So much fun, in fact, that instead of shopping, Kara wants him to be her karaoke partner (doesn't she have any friends?). But we didn't have fun. Whereas Simon called it excruciating, for us it was quite literally a snooze.

Watch video of Nathaniel Marshall singing "I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)" by Meatloaf

So, this is our first time to really get a good listen of Felicia Barton after seeing maybe a 3-second clip of her audition. Know what? She sounds good. In fact, she sounds a lot better than Joanna Pacitti did during her time on "Idol." So the question is: Why the hell didn't Barton make the Top 36? She certainly has a better voice than 80 percent of the women in that group. Did she resemble Pacitti too much to win a spot? It makes no sense. We're impressed with her look (as Kara would say, she's got the whole package) as well as her rendition of Alicia Keys' "No One." Unfortunately, she'll never make it past Lil Rounds tonight, but hopefully the judges will be wise enough to award her a Wild Card slot. She deserves it. The judges pile on the praise, with Paula telling her that her "gift is unbelievable," Randy saying it was hot and Kara saying she had attitude and presence. Only Simon takes a step back from the tongue bath, calling it "a bit copycat."

Watch video of Felicia Barton singing "No One" by Alicia Keys

Scott MacIntyre was probably the contestant most viewers were waiting to hear -- but for all the wrong reasons. Will they continue to love the visually impaired singer? Of course. We were only waiting to see if he was as boring and vanilla as his audition. Guess what? He was. There are many things to admire about MacIntyre, but his vocals aren't one of them. He chose to sing "Mandolin Rain," by Bruce Hornsby and the Range. It's not even a great song when Hornsby does it, and was less so by Scott. He had trouble with some of the notes. The power note at the end was OK, but really, it was too little, too late. The audience applause was way out of proportion with the performance. Randy says it wasn't the most perfect vocal and that there were some problems, but the parts that were great, were really really great. Kara talks about his passion and says, "And when you have issues with the vocal, it doesn't matter, because it's coming from your heart." Paula calls Scott "one of our finest." Simon says he wasn't crazy about the song or lyrics, but that Scott is growing on him because he is beginning to believe in himself and that Scott's the one he'll remember from tonight (why?). Cowell also predicts that Scott will sail through to the next round. Sadly, we're sure he's right.

Watch video of Scott MacIntyre singing "Mandolin Rain" by Bruce Hornsby and The Range

We remember once saying the Beard wasn't a great last name for a female singer, but that was about all we remembered about Kendall Beard. Oh, yes, she was the blonde Texan who was the first contestant to make it through in San Juan. Savvy move, we guess. She's definitely a country singer and proved it with her rendition of "This One's for the Girls" by Martina McBride [fitting song title alert]. It started off better than it ended, getting, as Cowell called it, "a little shrilly at the end," adding that country isn't his cup of tea. Still, Kendell has a decent voice, a nice country vibe and what Paula proclaims is "the best outfit." Randy thinks the song choice was right, even if the vocals weren't her best. Probably doesn't matter. She won't get through tonight. A Wild Card opportunity? Maybe, if only because they want a country artist. Then again, maybe not.

Watch video of Kendall Beard singing "This One's for the Girls" by Martina McBride

The final male slot of the evening goes to Jorge Nuñez. We think the "Idol" producers desperately want a Hispanic in the finals, even possibly as their champion. It's a market they haven't really tapped yet. We are reminded that Kara told Jorge at his audition that he had some trouble with his English pronunciations. Problem fixed! He's been taking diction lessons (Who pays? Him or the show?). The lessons are so successful, there's not even a trace of an accent on Elton John's "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" [fitting song title alert]. But the diction is almost too perfect, killing some of the passion in an otherwise very well-sung song. Paula gushes over his hard work and performance, telling him she just wants to squeeze him. Simon tells her to go ahead (she doesn't) then adds, "You heart him, don't you?" Then Simon says, "You know what? I think we were wrong to say to you that you shouldn't sing with an accent, because why should we? You're from Puerto Rico, you've got a good voice, it makes you different. I think you should be who you are. You're actually a very very good singer. And I like the fact that you sound a bit different. I mean, there are, [with a bit of sarcasm] believe it not, Spanish artists who've actually done incredibly well. They have an accent because they're Spanish. Who cares?" Paula then astounds Simon by saying to Jorge, "Will you just speak so we can hear your accent?" Jorge becomes tongue-tied, while Simon looks dumbfounded, rolls his eyes and says "I'm sorry, but that is so patronizing." And he's right. Randy and Kara lavish Jorge with more praise. He tears up. We're angry that he won't claim his rightful spot tonight because of Scott. So there.

Watch video of Jorge Nuñez singing "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" by Elton John

The pimp spot goes to Lil Rounds. We liked her in the past, but without the hot passion others have for her. However, Tuesday she did blow us away with Mary J. Blige's "Be Without You." She looked great (though her booty makes J.Lo's look small) and the vocals were spot on. She owned that pimp spot and assured herself a place in the finals. Simon said, "Lil, I'm going to keep this very brief -- brilliant," also telling her "I think you have great, great prospects in this competition. And I think you are, undoubtedly, one of the best singers we have found this year. I like you." The other judges were similarly effusive, with Randy telling her "You kept your swagger on," whatever that means. (We'll have to look it up in our Randy-English dictionary). Paula called her "first class," then cutely added, "I have a sneaking suspicion we're gonna see you for many more lil rounds."

Watch video of Lil Rounds singing "Be Without You" by Mary J. Blige

Who should get a finalist slot tonight: Lil Rounds, Jorge Nuñez, Ju'Not Joyner
Who will get a finalist slot tonight: Lil Rounds, Scott MacIntyre, Ju'Not Joyner

Our ranking of Tuesday's performances, from best to trainwreck:
Lil Rounds
Jorge Nuñez
Ju'Not Joyner
Felicia Barton
Kendall Beard
Scott MacIntyre
Von Smith, Kristen McNamara (tie)
Nathaniel Marshall
Taylor Vaifanua
Arianna Afsar
Alex Wagner-Trugman

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© 2009

American Idol Season 8Hollywood Days 1 & 2

Hollywood Week has finally arrived for the tryouts who received a Golden Ticket during the show's audition period (to put in into perspective, the auditions were held in July and August 2008 and Hollywood Week took place in November 2008). We learn that this year, once again, the rules have changed for this important level. To begin with, Hollywood Week is being held on the stage of the Kodak Theater, the venue where the finale is held. We imagine that this will somewhat ameliorate the awe and fear some contestants experierence when stepping out onto its enormity later on -- or perhaps the producers just wanted to see who could cope with it early on.

Another change: Before getting in front of the judges, the 147 contestants who have made it thus far go through "Idol" boot camp, where they work with stylists, makeup artists and, most importantly, the show's vocal coaches, led by Debra Byrd. Byrd stresses to each comer that the most important thing is song choice, song choice, song choice. And if she didn't emphasize it enough, it's song choice. Yet, we later see that the most prevalent thing that will trip up 43 contestants and send them packing on Day 1 is -- all together now -- song choice. And surprise! Former mentor Barry Manilow, who has had so much plastic surgery that his face now resembles a caricature of its former self, has been employed as a guest lecturer. He tells the tryouts that there are two elements to success: opportunity and preparation. They've already been given the opprtunity, now everything will be depend upon how they deal with preparation.

Which brings us to the third change with Season 8: On Days 1 or 2 (depending when the contestant is scheduled to perform), you get one shot to make it or break it. We liked when they changed the rules in Season 7 for Day 1. Contestants were either put through immediately to the next round, or given a second-chance reprieve to get through. After all, anyone can have a bad day. It was also interesting to see who made it through right away, who made it through on the second-chance try and who stumbled on both. Perhaps the producers discovered that those who needed a second shot to advance ultimately fell to wayside anyway and that the experiment was a time waster and exercise in futility.

Finally, we learned at the end of the episode that on Day 3, the show had reinstituted the group performances, which were always interesting. Although "Idol" is the search for the ultimate solo artist, competing on the show includes a season full of group performances with the other finalists, as well as a summer tour with group performances. This past summer, much to the dismay of many fans, the tour focused on solo performances in a countdown mode from 10 to 1, with only a couple of group numbers. We're left to wonder if this means they'll revert to the old format of mostly group numbers during summer 2009.

Of course, the danger with group numbers is that a great singer in a lousy or lazy group can be taken down with it. We recall Season 6, when Antonella Barba and her friend, Amanda Coluccio, destroyed the chances of then 16-year-old Texas bright light Baylie Brown, after the Jersey Girls partied and fraternized with the guys the night prior to the group sing instead of rehearsing. This so rattled Brown, that she forgot the lyrics during her performance and was eliminated on the spot, even though she had been a favorite of former "Idol" executive producer Nigel Lythgoe. Ironically, Antonella and Amanda made it through to the next round, with only Antonella going all the way to the Top 24, where she was finally eliminated after several weak performances and tons of controversy over questionable photos of her posted on the Internet by "friends" (some suspected Coluccio of the deed).

For Day 1, the contestants are split into two group. One group will get the day off to go sightseeing in Hollywood (a nice perk if you're going to be eliminated right off), the other will stand before Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson and Kara DioGuardi to find out their Hollywood first-round fates. Once more, they are performing a cappella. We are first shown Lil Rounds, who the producers seem to be pushing greatly. She received a lot of face time on the her audition, as she does in the Day 1 Hollywood segment. She sings Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You." Frankly, we were surprised. Song choice? Don't the judges always advise not to sing Whitney or Celine because you can only come out sounding second or third rate? They're right and Lil did. It sounded shouted more than sung, with some warbling on the high notes. But, OMG, the judges loved it. Kara gives her a standing O and Paula joins her. Huh? Kara tells her, "I liked you from the day I saw you. I thought you were bold and brave then. You're still bold and brave, and that's what makes for a great artist." Er, OK. We like her, still that performance wasn't the best. Of course, she easily gets through to Round 2.

Next up is Dennis Brigham, who also auditioned in Kansas City. We weren't that impressed with him then, and his rendition of Stevie Wonder's "For Once in My Life," fails to ring any bells for us this time either. Nor for the judges, who cut him. But Brigham isn't going down without a fight. After his appeals fail, he leaves the stage, saying, "You all suck as judges." Simon retorts, "Dennis, you've just reinforced my decision a million times." But Brigham isn't done. He sasses back with, "Great, good. You need to get some wardrobe. For somebody to be so rich, your pants are very, very cheap, with that cheap very lame shirt you got on." Did we tune into the wrong show? Was that Heidi Klum and not Ryan Seacrest and is this "Project Runway"?

Watch video of Lil Rounds and Dennis Brigham Hollywood Week, Day 1

Next up is Nathaniel "Nate" Marshall. We didn't see him during the auditions. He sings "The Anchor Holds" by Ray Boltz. He has a nice voice, but nothing that's going to make us run to the phone to vote. Paula tells him, "You have beautiful vocals, but you picked a song that stayed here [she mimics a flat line with her hand] the whole time." Simon asks about the inspiration behind the song, and Nate tells him, "Well, I'm one of those kids that's been through a lot and it means something to me because music's always been the anchor for me that keeps me from freaking out when something bad happens or, when, you know, [voice cracking] I didn't have people around me to support me, like other people." Simon gives a face shrug, Paula says, "Aw." Nate adds, crying, "I just want this, more than anything." Now the judges are feeling bad. Yes, Nate is very sensitive, but too much for our taste. "It's on my skin, like it just bursts out of me every time I'm on stage and I don't know why," Nate sniffles. Paula tells him, "It's OK, sweetheart," and Nate wipes his eyes. Randy tells him, "It's OK." Well, yes and no. This was getting a little too dramatic for us. This isn't even the hard part of the competition and he's bawling already. On VotefortheWorst.com they're already calling him Danny [Noriega] v.2.0 and we're beginning to understand why. Were we surprised he made it through? Again, yes and no.

Watch video of Nathaniel Marshall Hollywood Week, Day 1

In Marshall's group are also some familiar faces from the auditions: Anoop Desai, Jasmine Murray and Rose Flack. We remember liking them all, especially Jasmine. Anoop is up first and he knocks it out of the park with Stevie's Wonder's "If It's Magic." He's also better looking than we remembered. Then comes Jasmine and we love her even more after hearing her sing "The Trouble With Love Is." Kara tells her, "For me, you have raw natural talent." Jasmine's also looking even hotter than during her audition. Guess the stylist segment of Idol Boot Camp is working after all. We knew from her audition that Rose Flack wasn't the strongest vocalist. She has trouble in her boot camp rehearsal and seems to be falling apart. But she pulls it together before the judges with Otis Redding's "Dock of the Bay." It wasn't great, it was more interesting. But she performed it well enough to get a pass to the next round, as, of course, do Anoop and Jasmine, and we notice Michael Castro (who was not shown performing).

Watch video of Anoop Desai, Jasmine Murray and Rose Flack Hollywood Week, Day 1

The next group includes Stephen Fowler. We like his smoky R&B tone. Paula tells him, "You nailed it" and Randy says that the Stevie Wonder song he performed ["Superwoman"] is one of the hardest, ever. He told Stephen, "You slayed it, dud. Wha?" We were impressed by Jorge Nunez during his San Juan audition and he gave us no reason to question that appraisal in Hollywood after we heard him do Jon Secada's "Angel." This could be the big Latin singer "Idol's" been hoping to land for years. Bravo! On the other hand, we weren't impressed with Von Smith's theatrical "Over the Rainbow" audition, and we fairly hated his overly dramatic rendition of James Morrison's "If the Rain Must Fall." Simon's "Thankew" said it all. Well, not quite. He also told Von, "I thought it was indulgent nonsense ... a horrible song, a horrible performance, really annoying. It's the kind of thing a child would do, when they're learning to sing, at like 10." So what did they do? Amazingly, put him through to the next round. Fowler and Nunez advanced as well.

Watch video of Stephen Fowler, Jorge Nunez and Von Smith Hollywood Week, Day 1

If wacky New York auditioner Nick Mitchell could ever settle down and just sing, we know he be just as impressive as he is funny. We figure he thinks that he doesn't have a snowball in hell's chance at winning idol -- or even getting near the Final 12 -- so he is shooting for as much exposure as he can get as far as he gets. That means reverting once again to his hilarious Norman Gentle persona. For his Hollywood Day 1 performance, he once again did "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," from "Dream Girls," even calling out to Seacrest in the balcony. Only this time Simon didn't get to stop him. Randy told him, "You are hilarious dude ... but you know what? Dude, you actually can sing! Because you have some skills in there, dawg." On the other hand, Simon said, "I genuinely don't know what to make of you. Because without the glasses and the headband you're just a boring person. And then when you put the stupid outfit on, you become a joke. It's just ridiculous." But, believe it or not, Nick/Norman gets through to sing in the next round! As do nearly blind singer Scott MacIntyre and jazzy Frankie Jordan.

Watch video of Nick Mitchell/Norman Gentle Hollywood Week, Day 1

Jackie Tohn leads off Day 2 of Hollywood Week singing Susan Tedeschi's "Rock Me Right," sounding like Janis Joplin. She's loud, she's brassy. What do want? She's a Jewish kid from Oceanside, Long Island. She's our homey. And she's also the only auditioner we've seen this season with a real rock vibe. We are still loving her, but since she is a bit over-the-top, we wonder if she's just annoying the rest of America. And is the performance genuine or is she acting it up for the judges? Randy thinks she's genuine, saying she was performing as if the judges weren't even there, as if she was just in her room and was going to go on all night. He also tells her he likes her. Paula tells her that she remembers Jackie the most out of all the auditions and that she would be missed if she wasn't there. Happily, she's also through.

Watch video of Jackie Tohn Hollywood Week, Day 2

A segment on making friends along the "Idol" journey results in the funniest line of the evening, when Jackie Tohn, referring to Deanna Brown standing next to her says, "We're friends. Best friends," then turns to Deanna and says, "What's your name again?" After exchanging names, Jackie waits a sec, then says, "Best friends for life," and high-fives Deanna. Ah, nothing like sincerity. This leads to true friends Jamar Rogers and Danny Gokey, who auditioned together and both made it to Hollywood, where they are roomies. Jamar's up first with The Mamas and the Papas' "California Dreaming." It's a nice job, but nothing we're going to remember the next day. Randy, however is a fan, telling Jamar he thinks he is different and relevant. Danny sings Seal's "Kiss From a Rose," and slam dunks the difficult melody. Paula tells him, "I love you. You are fantastic. You are ready to record." Jamar and Danny are through to the group round, as are Arianna Afsar, Matt Breitzke, Leneshe Young and Matt Giraud.

Watch video of Jamar Rogers and Danny Gokey Hollywood Week, Day 2

Ugh! Well we knew it had to happen sooner or later, the one you guys have all been waiting for, the return of Bikini Girl Katrina Darrell. Nope, she wasn't wearing a bikini this time, but she was still trying to makeout with Ryan and continued her bitch-slap fest with Kara, saying that "When Kara starting singing [during Katrina's audition], I thought that was kind of rude," and "Well, the first thing that went through my head was, 'Wow, she is getting insecure.' " Katrina sang Faith Hill's "Breathe," and it was the audition all over again -- Kara and Paula saying it started OK but went downhill and Simon and Randy saying she was better than the first time they heard her. And damn, we wish her voice was worse. Of course, she got through. As she was leaving, Kara says to Katrina, "Leave your number in the back room" and "Tomorrow bring your pool," to which Katrina answers, "I told you she doesn't like me." We can only hope her 15 minutes of fame are at 14:59.

Watch video of Katrina Darrell Hollywood Week, Day 2

Next, popular contestant Jessica Furney gets cut, along with Sharon Wilbur (who brought her dog to her audition) and Patricia Roman, San Juan's final tryout. This leads to the performances of oil roughneck Jeremy Michael Sarver, doing a tender job with Gavin DeGraw's "More Than Anyone." He makes it through, with Randy telling him it was one of the best he heard that day. But Jesus Valenzuela, whose young sons charmed the judges during his audition, does not, with his rendition of Stevie Wonder's "Lately."

Watch video of Jeremy Michael Sarver and Jesus Valenzuela Hollywood Week, Day 2

In the last group: David Osmond, sounding better than he did during his audition, Erika Wesley, a pleasant but forgettable singer whose San Juan audition wasn't aired, and Emily Wynne-Hughes, she of the multi-colored hair and tattooed arms, who at the last minute changes from "I Put a Spell on You," the song she rehearsed and sang well to one by No Doubt. The judges ream her on song choice and it looks like it's all over for Emily. But surprisingly, it's Erika Wesley who gets cut. David and Emily are safe, as are Alexis Grace, Brent Keith, Anne Marie Boskovich and Adam Lambert. Erika, not willing to go without a fight, appeals to the judges. Paula gets into a tiff with Simon over it, but much to her dismay, it's all over for Erika.

Watch video of David Osmond, Erika Wesley and Emily Wynne-Hughes Hollywood Week, Day 2

Tomorrow: Hollywood Group Day

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© 2009

American Idol Season 8Phoenix Auditions

Well, we were prepared to be bored by this season and feared that the departure of Nigel Lythgoe and changes the remaining executive producers were making would be to the show's detriment. But we have to admit that Season 8's premiere episode was pretty satisfying overall. It moved at a fairly rapid pace and concentrated as much -- if not more -- on the good singers as the horrible ones. What about new judge Kara DioGuardi? We had no problem with her. The clips didn't feature that many comments from her, but there was nothing objectionable about her either.

Phoenix was the first audition city featured, incorrectly identified by Paula Abdul as the home of Jordin Sparks (that would be Glendale, Ariz., Paula). The temperature was hot, and so were many of the auditioners. Unfortunately Tuan Nguyen, a 20-year-old music student from Biloxi, Miss., was not one of them. A Michael Jackson wannabe, the most remarkable thing about Tuan was his giant afro which moved and swayed with his singing and dancing. He sang "The Way You Make Me Feel." He made us feel as if the show was off to a lousy start. Unlike Randy Jackson, we were unamused by his '60s hair.

Watch video of Tuan Nguyen

If the next auditioner looked familiar, it's because Emily Wynne-Hughes, with the multi-colored hair and bearing more tats on her arms than Carly Smithson, has been featured singing "Barracuda" innumerable times in "Idol" promo spots the past few weeks. A singer in the all-girl band Go Betty Go, she belted out her audition and was given the green light by all four judges after telling them if she received a golden ticket to Hollywood she'd be screwing her bandmates out of the European tour that they were about to depart on. But don't fall in love with Emily. According to Vote for the Worst, she failed to make the top 50 in Hollywood. But hey, she did make the European tour. That's her singing at The Orto Bar in Ljubljana, Slovenia.

Watch video of Emily Wynne-Hughes

Randy Madden (allegedly 28) fancies himself to be an untrained rocker who looks the role, but he resembles a burnt out 40-year-old in his Halloween rocker costume, complete with bandanna. Madden is a sensitive rocker -- way too sensitive. He cried when he started telling the judges how much auditioning meant to him. When Simon Cowell starts rolling his eyes before you even sing, you know you're in trouble. Madden did a mediocre job with Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer" (a bad song to audition poorly with as it was David Cook's audition song as well). Simon found the rendition wimpy and cliched. And Madden didn't stop crying, when he was rejected and afterwards outside the audition room.

Watch video of Randy Madden

Next up was 16-year-old J.B. Ahfua, who has a nice sweet voice, but little personality. Overall he is bland. After he snags his ticket to Hollywood, surrounded by his father and brothers, he cries as he tells Ryan Seacrest how much this means to him, how it can change his family's whole world. His father, looking uncomfortable, tries to avoid the camera. It's one of those sensitive Idol moments, but being objective, we bet J.B. didn't make the cut for the Top 50. There just wasn't enough substance there.

Watch video of J.B. Ahfua

It's weird contestant time again with Michael Gurr, whose last name is an apt description for his singing style. He gives a gutteral reworking to Carrie Underwood's "Starts With Goodbye," and Simon and Paula tell him they didn't understand a word of it. Simon says he could have been singing in Bulgarian. Next, he takes on a song written by Kara with even worse results. Totally self-deluded, Gurr is beyond bad. He's sad, pathetic and not even mildly amusing. A total waste of time with zero entertainment value.

Watch video of Michael Gurr (At the end of the video. Sorry, it was the only version we could find)


At least the next loser contestant is funny. Aundre "Xray" Caraway was manic and couldn't stop moving around. He arrives with a guitar, but places it aside when he enters the audition room and never plays it for the judges. He sings and dances to his original song about cacti. Uh-huh. When he's rejected, he -- surprise! -- wants a second chance. His pleading only wins him a bouncer-escorted trip out of the audition room.

Watch video of Aundre "Xray" Caraway

Next up, a youngster so cute and giving, you know she's going to make it through before she even sings one note. We learn that 16-year-old Arianna Afsar started a singing group called Adopt-a-Grandfriend after she discovered that many senior and nursing home residents don't have anyone to visit them. Her group entertains and befriends the elderly in those places. All together now -- Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Arianna does a lot more justice to Corinne Bailey Rae's "Put Your Records On" than Antonella Barba ever did, but it's just one of those songs that doesn't song good to us unless we're listening to the original. No surprise, she is beloved by the judges and easily moves to the next round.

Watch video of Arianna Afsar

That's the end of Day 1 in Phoenix and Ryan tells us that nine others we didn't see made the cut as well.

Day 2 starts out with cashier Elijah Scarlett. His voice is so low, that Ryan and the judges think it's not real. But we've been there, done that last season with James Lewis. If you recall, he was the tour guide who had everyone in stitches with his version of "Let My People Go," pronouncing people as pipple. Elijah, like James, seems like a nice enough guy, born with a voice definitely not made for singing. He proves it by mostly talking his way through Barry White's "My First, My Last, My Everything." When he finishes, Simon asks him, "Have you ever seen this show?" and eventually tells him it was like something out of a horror movie. You can nearly see the idea lightbulb go on over Paula's head when Simon says this. She offers Elijah the encouraging career advice to go after voice-overs in monster movies. Right.

Watch video of Elijah Scarlett

Lea Marie Golde, a 16-year-old wearing a pink cowboy hat, cowboy boots, a tight pink top and little denim skirt is our nomination for most annoying contestant of the night. She is also Kara's biggest fan. Lea Marie has already written over 100 original songs and views herself as a Kara in the making. Voice-wise, she tells us she is a cross between Hillary Duff and Madonna. If she makes it to Hollywood, we vow to shot ourselves -- or the TV. She sings "Every Time We Touch" by Cascada and the judges tell her she needs to work on her voice (and her hubris). She vows to come back next year and try out again. Please. Don't.

Watch video of Lea Marie Golde

Finally, we get a couple of viable contestants. Wearing a black-and-white cow-patterned shirt, 16-year-old Stevie Wright, named after Stevie Nicks, does a more-than-acceptable version of Etta James' "At Last." There's something very likable about her and we think she has potential to develop into more than what we saw at the audition. After she leaves the audition room, Kara remarks, "That's my girl," while Paula compares her to Kelly Clarkson.

Watch video of Stevie Wright

She is followed by Michael Sarver, who works as a roughneck on an oil rig, a job he says is the fifth most dangerous in the world. (Who ranks these things anyway, and on what criteria?). His wife worries about him getting hurt on the job and he, too, is looking to win this competition to change the lives of his family, which also includes his two kids. He does an OK rendition of "Thank You" by Boyz II Men, but the judges were more impressed than we were. Simon says he has likeability. OK, we didn't get any particular vibes, but then again, we're just seeing snippets.

Watch video of Michael Sarver

Katrina Darrell, who has been hyped all evening as the girl in the bikini, is the second most annoying contestant of the night. Even more annoying than her teeny bikini is her I'm all that and a bag of chips demeanor. Well, she's not. She tells us prior to the audition that she has a thing for Ryan and has names for all their children. She then tells Ryan they're going to makeout after she gets her ticket to Hollywood. When she walks into the audition room, Simon's eyes bug out of his head and in his mind he's already put her through. Then he actually does. Randy follows, saying she has a lot of potential. The ladies are stunned. Kara tells Katrina she doesn't have the chops to sing Mariah Carey's "Vision of Love," and then demonstrates how the song should be sung. Katrina disses Kara, saying her demonstration wasn't that good either. Paula's incensed by Katrina's remark to Kara, but Simon agrees with it. Kara asks Katrina her name and Katrina answers, "Katrina Derrell." Kara says, "Oh, 'cause we just know you as Top and Bottom." Katrina shoots her a look. Paula, knowing it's a 2-2 tie and that Simon holds the tie-breaking vote, tells her "Welcome to Hollywood." Kara mumbles, "Next time come naked." Kara finds Ryan and begins to try making out with him. The best part of the night: the producers accompany this footage with Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl." And it's obvious they meant the music to refer to Katrina, not Ryan. Then Katrina jumps into the pool with her heels on. Did she drown? We hope so.

Watch video of Katrina Darrell

Eric "Sexual Chocolate" Thomas, does a karaoke version of Stevie Wonder's "Ribbon in the Sky." Before singing he displays his nickname tatted on his back, and Kara and Paula tell him it appears to read Chacolate instead of Chocolate. The judges read in his notes that if he doesn't make it to Hollywood his mother is going to buy him a car. The judges pass, but his mother hugs him outside the audition room. Maybe they then went car shopping.

Watch video of Eric "Sexual Chocolate" Thomas

The judges almost take a pass on perky Brianna Quijada as well, who does a just-adequate version of Denise Williams "Let's Hear it For the Boy." But even though he didn't like her singing, Simon decides at the last moment that he likes her. She says, "I like you, too, Si-Mee," and she slips through. And though there is something stupidly likable about her, she'll be gone in a second in Hollywood.

Watch video of Brianna Quijada

Ryan tells us that although most auditioners bring family for support, 25-year-old Deanna Brown has come by herself. Turns out that Deanna has an interesting -- and memorable -- quality to her voice. She is also very composed and thoughtful. We liked her version of Otis Redding's "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay" and hope she made it to the top 50 as well. BTW, she calls mom after she makes it through and mom tells her how proud she is of her. A real catch-in-the-throat manipulative Idol moment.

Watch video of Deanna Brown

Teen Cody Sheldon likes making bloody horror films. Sorry, but there's something creepy about him. He does a decent job with James Morrison's "Wonderful World," and gets through, partially, we think, because the judges didn't expect him to be able to sing the song at all.

Watch video of Cody Sheldon

We thought Alex Wagner-Trugman, 19, was the biggest surprise of the night. Alex taught himself to sing in a moldy closet, which ultimately made him sick. He no longer sings there, leading Simon to comment, "so you've just come out of the closet?" The other judges rag on Simon for his comment, but Alex handles it -- and Simon -- with aplomb. Alex has a very unusual singing voice. He asked Randy to sing the choruses with him on James Ingram's "Baby Come to Me," proving that Randy is a musician and not a singer. Although Alex's voice is strange it also was totally in pitch and enjoyable. Simon didn't like his performance, so Alex offered to sing "God Save the Queen," a comment Simon didn't appreciate. But the kid has wit and smarts, and fortunately got a thumbs up from the other three judges. We look forward to his Hollywood appearances.

Watch video of Alex Wagner-Trugman

Finally, there was Scott MacIntyre, a young man who is visually disabled but amazingly accomplished. He is a singer-songwriter who plays piano, skis, dances and supposely has already recorded six albums. He sang Billy Joel's "And So It Goes." We thought it was nice and tender, if not great. He easily impresses the judges and makes it through. But, again, don't fall in love with MacIntyre, as his Web site and MySpace page -- where he sounds amazing -- are fully up and functional, which is not permissable for contestants who make the top 50 cut.

Watch video of Scott MacIntyre

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