American Idol Season 8Top 36 Group 3

Simon: I just don't get the shopping thing.
Kara: I mean, I wanna know what she's like.
Simon: I mean shop what? Shoes? Popcorn?
Kara: Wait! I'm trying to see what she's like as a person, personality. Is she bubbly? Is she sweet? I'm not getting that.
Simon: What breakfast cereal do you like?
Randy: Do you like soy milk or regular milk?
Simon: Exactly.

The above exchange during Taylor Vaifanua's review Tuesday night essentially summed up the problem with Season 8 of "American Idol." Why are the judges looking for shallow, superficial qualities -- such as Kara wondering, "What's it like to go shopping with Taylor?" -- instead of just worrying about whether contestants are viable singers? Frankly, we don't give a rat's ass about what it's like to go shopping with anyone. We just want to know if their music is going to move us.

Though Group 3 was far from perfect, as a whole they were much better than Groups 1 and 2. They were mostly -- but not always -- in tune. And if we are going to spend 11 weeks listening to singing, we'd certainly rather listen to the better singers, not just the three fortunate enough to squeak through from each group. What is inherently wrong with the Wild Card system is that better singers in stronger groups lose their shot, while lesser contestants from weaker groups make it through. We'd rather listen to Von Smith, who is doomed unless he grabs a Wild Card slot, than Michael Sarver. And was Felicia Barton dragged back to Hollywood after Joanna Pacitti was disqualified, just so medicore-but-blind Scott MacIntyre or Kris Allen could steal the spot she deserves more than them?

When you let people grow week-by-week and eliminate the ones who receive the least votes, instead of putting through the ones with the most votes, you have a better chance of getting the best mix of singers into the finals.

Plus, the way things are shaping up, the finals will be top heavy with guys. Right now, the count is 4 boys, 2 girls. And it looks as if it will be 6-3 going into the Wild Card round. So unless the judges pick three more women in that round-- which is highly *Anoop Desai* unlikely -- it will be, at best, 7 guys vs. 5 girls.

One interesting note: Many of the song titles seemed to fit the contestants who sang them on Tuesday.

We're the first to admit that we hated Von Smith prior to Tuesday night, and were prepared to turn our nose up once more at the overly dramatic, shouting singer who vaguely resembles Michael Bublé. But guess what (and this is why week-to-week growth is more interesting to watch than a one-shot selection)? He turned us around with his performance of Marvin Gaye's "You're All I Need to Get By" [fitting song title alert]. He toned down the theatrics while at the same time giving the song a contemporary vibe. And, he didn't shout. Although we didn't necessarily agree with Simon Cowell, who said Von was reminiscent of Clay Aiken, we thought it was the best opener thus far. Though we could have lived without the pointy-head hair.

Watch video of Von Smith singing "You're All I Need to Get By" by Marvin Gaye

Any high hopes we had for Taylor Vaifanua after watching her audition in Salt Lake City were dashed with her weak performance of Alicia Keys' "If I Ain't Got You," [fitting song title alert] though we do give her the prize for most-improved post-audition appearance. She's become quite stunning since getting to Hollywood. Unfortunately, the transformation didn't carry over to her voice, which seemed overwhelmed by a song that was bigger than it was. Other than leaving Kara DioGuardi "cold" and wanting to go shopping with her, the judges found Taylor's performance bland and boring. We'd have to agree and throw in pitchy, as well.

Watch video of Taylor Vaifanua singing "If I Ain't Got You" by Alicia Keys

We bestow the "Trainwreck of the Night Award" on Alex Wagner-Trugman, who we previously found gawky, or in his words, "dorky." Brooke White warned you Alex: Don't Google yourself. His rendition of Elton John's "I Guess That Why They Call It the Blues" [fitting song title alert] started out OK, then went totally spastic, both physically and vocally. Alex started doing jerky dance movements, eventually accidentally dropping the mic stand, and added, as Simon said, a "ridiculous growling" element to his singing. Though Alex said he was just trying to have fun, the whole thing came off as comical, and nor in a good way, like Nick Marshall. It went way beyond dorky, all the way to weird. The judges had nary a kind word to say, though Paula Abdul tried to couch the criticism -- and laughter -- with "You certainly are the showman."

Watch video of Alex Wagner-Trugman singing "I Guess That Why They Call It the Blues" by Elton John

Coming in a close second for the trainwreck award was Arianna Afsar, who has a powerhouse voice, but made a hot mess of ABBA's "The Winner Takes It All" [fitting song title/lyrics alert: The winner takes it all/The loser standing small/Beside the victory/That's her destiny]. Trying to put her own spin on the song, her voice went all over the place, as did her tempo: at times was in ahead of the music, other times she was behind it. It sounded as if she had never rehearsed it with the band. Plus, the first half of the song trudged along interminably. When the judges asked her why such as sunny, cute-as-a-button girl would sing a song that was so dark, depressing and dreary (Simon compared the first half to a funeral), Arianna said she knew it was an old song, but she tried to make it contemporary. Cowell put it succinctly: "Well you didn't," adding that it was her "worst performance by a clear mile."

Watch video of Arianna Afsar singing "The Winner Takes It All" by ABBA

Fortunately, the show took an upward turn at this point (hey, it only took four contestants). We had been rooting for Ju'Not Joyner since last season. We think this year is the young father's time to shine. He once again sang the Plain White T's "Hey There Delilah," and was even better than when he sang it in Hollywood. It was his own R&B spin on the song. Ju'Not made it tender and sensitive. He hit a bad note here and there, but overall it was a really nice performance, and we're pulling for him to get that third finalist's spot tonight (there's no stopping the dynamic Lil Rounds or the less-than-dynamic Scott MacIntyre). The judges give him good reviews, with Randy Jackson telling Ju'Not that he loved the way he switched the song up (so did we). Though calling it "a little bit safe," Simon said Ju'Not the performance was better than he thought it was going to be.

Watch video of Ju'Not Joyner singing "Hey There Delilah" by the Plain White T's

Though she has a powerful voice that we never quite expect, something that we can't define about Kristen McNamara has annoyed us since her audition. She puts a not unpleasing spin on Tracy Chapman's "Give Me One Reason" [fitting song title/lyrics alert: Give me one reason to stay here/and I'll turn right back around], but to parrot Kara, the whole thing left us cold. Kara and Paula both praise her voice, but would prefer to hear a song with more of a rock edge, something by Kelly Clarkson or P!nk. Simon and Randy can't figure out who Kristen is (maybe they should go shopping with her :b), with Randy adding that she did too much with the song.

Watch video of Kristen McNamara singing "Give Me One Reason" by Tracy Chapman

Nathaniel Marshall like's to stand out: He has studs in his face, tattoos all over his arms and wears what Simon calls an Olivia Newton-John headband (and who Randy twice refers to as Elton John, duh!). Sadly for Nate, the one thing that doesn't stand out is his voice. Truth be told, we fell asleep during his performance and had to rewind the DVR (OK, we didn't rewind it, we heard enough to know we didn't want to hear the part we missed). His version of Meatloaf's "I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)" [fitting song title alert, even Simon remarked on it] was boring. We kept hearing from the judges and Nathaniel himself that he's a fun guy. So much fun, in fact, that instead of shopping, Kara wants him to be her karaoke partner (doesn't she have any friends?). But we didn't have fun. Whereas Simon called it excruciating, for us it was quite literally a snooze.

Watch video of Nathaniel Marshall singing "I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)" by Meatloaf

So, this is our first time to really get a good listen of Felicia Barton after seeing maybe a 3-second clip of her audition. Know what? She sounds good. In fact, she sounds a lot better than Joanna Pacitti did during her time on "Idol." So the question is: Why the hell didn't Barton make the Top 36? She certainly has a better voice than 80 percent of the women in that group. Did she resemble Pacitti too much to win a spot? It makes no sense. We're impressed with her look (as Kara would say, she's got the whole package) as well as her rendition of Alicia Keys' "No One." Unfortunately, she'll never make it past Lil Rounds tonight, but hopefully the judges will be wise enough to award her a Wild Card slot. She deserves it. The judges pile on the praise, with Paula telling her that her "gift is unbelievable," Randy saying it was hot and Kara saying she had attitude and presence. Only Simon takes a step back from the tongue bath, calling it "a bit copycat."

Watch video of Felicia Barton singing "No One" by Alicia Keys

Scott MacIntyre was probably the contestant most viewers were waiting to hear -- but for all the wrong reasons. Will they continue to love the visually impaired singer? Of course. We were only waiting to see if he was as boring and vanilla as his audition. Guess what? He was. There are many things to admire about MacIntyre, but his vocals aren't one of them. He chose to sing "Mandolin Rain," by Bruce Hornsby and the Range. It's not even a great song when Hornsby does it, and was less so by Scott. He had trouble with some of the notes. The power note at the end was OK, but really, it was too little, too late. The audience applause was way out of proportion with the performance. Randy says it wasn't the most perfect vocal and that there were some problems, but the parts that were great, were really really great. Kara talks about his passion and says, "And when you have issues with the vocal, it doesn't matter, because it's coming from your heart." Paula calls Scott "one of our finest." Simon says he wasn't crazy about the song or lyrics, but that Scott is growing on him because he is beginning to believe in himself and that Scott's the one he'll remember from tonight (why?). Cowell also predicts that Scott will sail through to the next round. Sadly, we're sure he's right.

Watch video of Scott MacIntyre singing "Mandolin Rain" by Bruce Hornsby and The Range

We remember once saying the Beard wasn't a great last name for a female singer, but that was about all we remembered about Kendall Beard. Oh, yes, she was the blonde Texan who was the first contestant to make it through in San Juan. Savvy move, we guess. She's definitely a country singer and proved it with her rendition of "This One's for the Girls" by Martina McBride [fitting song title alert]. It started off better than it ended, getting, as Cowell called it, "a little shrilly at the end," adding that country isn't his cup of tea. Still, Kendell has a decent voice, a nice country vibe and what Paula proclaims is "the best outfit." Randy thinks the song choice was right, even if the vocals weren't her best. Probably doesn't matter. She won't get through tonight. A Wild Card opportunity? Maybe, if only because they want a country artist. Then again, maybe not.

Watch video of Kendall Beard singing "This One's for the Girls" by Martina McBride

The final male slot of the evening goes to Jorge Nuñez. We think the "Idol" producers desperately want a Hispanic in the finals, even possibly as their champion. It's a market they haven't really tapped yet. We are reminded that Kara told Jorge at his audition that he had some trouble with his English pronunciations. Problem fixed! He's been taking diction lessons (Who pays? Him or the show?). The lessons are so successful, there's not even a trace of an accent on Elton John's "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" [fitting song title alert]. But the diction is almost too perfect, killing some of the passion in an otherwise very well-sung song. Paula gushes over his hard work and performance, telling him she just wants to squeeze him. Simon tells her to go ahead (she doesn't) then adds, "You heart him, don't you?" Then Simon says, "You know what? I think we were wrong to say to you that you shouldn't sing with an accent, because why should we? You're from Puerto Rico, you've got a good voice, it makes you different. I think you should be who you are. You're actually a very very good singer. And I like the fact that you sound a bit different. I mean, there are, [with a bit of sarcasm] believe it not, Spanish artists who've actually done incredibly well. They have an accent because they're Spanish. Who cares?" Paula then astounds Simon by saying to Jorge, "Will you just speak so we can hear your accent?" Jorge becomes tongue-tied, while Simon looks dumbfounded, rolls his eyes and says "I'm sorry, but that is so patronizing." And he's right. Randy and Kara lavish Jorge with more praise. He tears up. We're angry that he won't claim his rightful spot tonight because of Scott. So there.

Watch video of Jorge Nuñez singing "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" by Elton John

The pimp spot goes to Lil Rounds. We liked her in the past, but without the hot passion others have for her. However, Tuesday she did blow us away with Mary J. Blige's "Be Without You." She looked great (though her booty makes J.Lo's look small) and the vocals were spot on. She owned that pimp spot and assured herself a place in the finals. Simon said, "Lil, I'm going to keep this very brief -- brilliant," also telling her "I think you have great, great prospects in this competition. And I think you are, undoubtedly, one of the best singers we have found this year. I like you." The other judges were similarly effusive, with Randy telling her "You kept your swagger on," whatever that means. (We'll have to look it up in our Randy-English dictionary). Paula called her "first class," then cutely added, "I have a sneaking suspicion we're gonna see you for many more lil rounds."

Watch video of Lil Rounds singing "Be Without You" by Mary J. Blige

Who should get a finalist slot tonight: Lil Rounds, Jorge Nuñez, Ju'Not Joyner
Who will get a finalist slot tonight: Lil Rounds, Scott MacIntyre, Ju'Not Joyner

Our ranking of Tuesday's performances, from best to trainwreck:
Lil Rounds
Jorge Nuñez
Ju'Not Joyner
Felicia Barton
Kendall Beard
Scott MacIntyre
Von Smith, Kristen McNamara (tie)
Nathaniel Marshall
Taylor Vaifanua
Arianna Afsar
Alex Wagner-Trugman

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© 2009

American Idol Season 8Hollywood Week Group Day

UPDATE: For those of you interested in knowing the Top 36 right now, there has been a change in the lineup after last night's show. To see the updated list, click on the link Season 8 Top 36 on the right.

Ah, Group Day. The drama, the catfights, the ... boredom. Excuse us, drama queens or drama-queen lovers, but we don't watch "Idol" for the drama, we watch for the singing. And on the chaotic Group Day episode, it was a full 30 minutes before we even heard a note sung. We weren't happy. We've been waiting to hear these voices for four weeks.

Of course, the drama involved only the girls, and that included the always teary-eyed Nate Marshall, who is quickly getting on our last nerve. In fact, Nate is on our short list of the most exasperating drama queens of Group Day, which is headed by Tatiana Del Toro and also includes Katrina "Bikini Girl" Darrell and Kristin McNamara.

Most of the contestants form cohesive groups fairly quickly, except for Tatiana, whose horrid laugh is only matched by her psycho behavior on Group Day. Finding herself without a group (what a shock!), she runs over to one and inserts herself into it. Within minutes, they're less than overjoyed, as she begins to manipulate and give orders. Yet, as Tatiana sees it, her group is out to sabotage her. So she leaves them to insinuate herself into another group, made up of Nate, Kristin (who welcomes Tatiana with open arms) and Nancy Wilson. Nate and Nancy aren't too happy about reforming the group, but finally capitulate. When, surprise! Tatiana decides to rejoin her original group, which includes Muna Hiluf and Kaylin.

At this point, we're getting so dizzy from the antics, we consider reaching for the Dramamine. Nancy, who knows how much is riding on the next day's performance, has a fit and calls Tatiana out on it. Tatiana, who could care less, basically says, yeah, well, I'm sorry, get over it. We begin to wonder if Tatiana is really that crazy or if the producers scripted the whole thing and put her up to these stunts by guaranteeing her a free pass to the next round in exchange for creating scenes. We'd put nothing past the show's producers.

Watch video of drama queen Tatiana

Watch video of more drama with Tatiana

Meanwhile, we are also (mis)treated to the dysfunctions of Team Diva, which includes the estimable Jasmine Murray, as well as Lauren Barnes, Rose Flack and pain-in-the-ass Bikini Girl. We love doomed Rose Flack, who not only hates Bikini Girl, but also accurately foresees the future, saying "we're going to be that group that gets up there and is just an absolute train wreck." To no one's surprise (well not ours, at least), Bikini Girl flakes out on the rest of her team and trots off to bed. The rest of the group don't know what they're going to do as Bikini Girl hasn't rehearsed. Not to worry, the next morning, she claims to be sick and essentially abandons them ... until she decides not to and unexpectedly shows up in the waiting area telling them "I'm here. Teach me what I missed." Rose storms off in a huff.

Watch video of drama queen Katrina "Bikini Girl" Darrell

Finally, we get some singing. Simon Cowell warns the contestants that if they forget their words they are out. As we said yesterday, the dynamics of group day can bring down even the best singers -- or elevate them.

In the latter category was the first group to perform, Team White Chocolate -- composed of India Morrison, Matt Giraud, Kris Allen and Justin Williams -- who perform a rap/singing version of The Jackson 5's "I Want You Back." It is so entertaining and so professional -- especially considering it was put together overnight -- that it's possibly the best group performance we've ever witnessed. As Ryan Seacreast says, "All the contestants are cheering now, but on the inside they're saying, 'Damn, I wish we were that good.'" No surprise, Kara DioGuardi announces that all of them are through to the next round. Wow! If this is a precursor of the rest of the groups, it's going to be a great 30 minutes. Unfortunately, it is not.

Watch video of Team White Chocolate (India Morrison, Matt Giraud, Kris Allen and Justin Williams)

We next see three different groups make a mess of the lyrics and melody of The Temptations "Get Ready." Austin Sisneros, making it up as he goes along, ends a line with do-do instead of "you do." Shelby Swartwood not only forgets all her lyrics, singing "heeeeeeeey, na na na na na," she sings off-key to boot. It just keeps getting worse. Gratefully, Simon stops the final group before they can finish, telling them "that was an absolute, total mess."

Watch video of three different groups messing up "Get Ready" (Maryn Azoff, Austin Sisneros, J.B Ahfua, Shelby Swartwood, Julissa Veloz)

The rehearsal footage of the Action Squad -- Alex Wagner-Trugman, Ryan Pinkston, Anne Marie Boskovich and Emily Wynne-Hughes -- seems to indicate they spent more time figuring out their team name and dance moves rather than their singing, and it shows. They sound like crap together on Fleetwood Mac's "Don't Stop (Thinking About Tomorrow)," though individually they weren't bad. Sadly Ryan, who sounded great at the top of the number, flubs his lyrics and is cut, as is Emily. She's sad, but he's pissed, saying he saw evil in Paula Abdul's eyes, which the producers turn devil red to funny effect. Alex and Anne Marie move on to the next round.

Watch video Team Action Squad (Alex Wagner-Trugman, Ryan Pinkston, Anne Marie Boskovich, Emily Wynne-Hughes)

Music teacher Danny Gokey seems to be the leader of his group, the Rainbow Coalition, which also includes, no surprise, Jamar Rogers and Taylor Vaifanua. They decide to do an a cappella version of Queen's "Somebody to Love," and their harmonies sound just great. Randy Jackson tells them, "Nice harmonies, guys," and Simon calls it a very, very good performance and says he likes the fact that they were brave enough to do it on their own. They all make it through. And we must say that we love Danny's voice more and more each time we hear it. We're pumped.

Watch video Team Rainbow Coalition (Danny Gokey, Jamar Rogers, Taylor Vaifanua)

It's good news all around for a few groups singing Grand Funk Railroad's "Some Kind of Wonderful," including contestants Jeremy Michael Sarver, Adam Lambert, Matt Breitzke and Jesse Langseth. We like Adam, but Kara really adores him, calling him an incredible singer. Kudos also go to the others, but the surprise for us was the previously unseen and unheard Jesse (sister of Grammy Award-winning artist Johnny Lang) who sounds like a real contender. We can't wait to hear more from her.

Watch video different groups singing "Some Kind of Wonderful" (Jeremy Michael Sarver, Adam Lambert, Matt Breitzke, Jesse Langseth)

There are just three groups left, and we're looking forward to none of them, because they are the drama queens. First up is Team Diva -- Lauren Barnes, Katrina Darrell, Rose Flack and Jasmine Murray -- singing Duffy's "Mercy," and they're going to need some. They decide to put their differences aside for the greater good, but it does nothing to help. Jasmine is in great voice, and when Rose does remember her lyrics sounds good, as well, but her lack of concentration will get her eliminated. It doesn't take a genius to see they haven't rehearsed together and Simon wants to know why. Lauren, Simon points out, tries to be PC, saying some people weren't feeling well the night before, but he demands a name. Katrina blames her absence on her scolioses, saying she was in high heels from 5 in the morning, then up until 3, but he's not having it. Kara asks Lauren to step forward and then Katrina, who knows the end is neigh, but couldn't care less. Never having met a camera she didn't like, she starts voguing. Kara says to the other judges and to Simon's amusement, "OMG, look at her, she just totally posed." Rose is also told to step forward and the three are cut. Rose and Lauren surround Jasmine, but Bikini Girl just struts off, still aping to the camera, while Kara says, "She must be ready for her closeup. Damn what a [bitch? The expletive was deleted by the producers]." In a group interview afterward, Lauren says some people had better work ethics than others. Bikini Girl says "OMG" and stomps off. Katrina later tells the camera, "They're just fake girls," and with a shrug, "They don't mean anything to me," and with a giggle and a hand gesture to her shoulder, "Brush your shoulder off." Yes, Kara, what a bitch.

Watch video of Team Diva (Lauren Barnes, Katrina Darrell, Rose Flack, Jasmine Murray)

Tatiana and ensemble are next, doing "I Want You Back." Mila Hiluf, doesn't sound bad, but the backing harmonies are horrendous. The group is stopped while Tatiana is still doing her solo, and she continues past the cutoff, then steps back in line. As the singers await their fates, Tatiana, thinking she is being cute, makes another attempt to be noticed, by singing "I wanna get through," but is quickly chastised by the judges, who hold up their hands and tell her, "None of that today." There's no question she would have been cut for that alone if she hadn't cut some kind of deal with the producers. The group sounded like such crap together that we're stunned when all of them are put through. And now we're really beginning to fear the prophesy of Tatiana's psychic friend who said she'd make it to the Top 12.

Watch video of Muna Hiluf and Tatiana Del Toro

Finally, the last group, Team Compromise, or should that be Compromised? Minus Tatiana, they're back to the original three, Nathanial Marshall, Nancy Wilson and Kristin McNamara. After del Toto's departure the evening before, the drama continued for the group when Kristin insisted she needed to rest her voice and Nancy got on her case because they needed to rehearse, while Nate stood on the sidelines, crying and carrying on like a girl. Bleech! It's ironic, because Nancy who seemed to be taking the assignment very seriously will get cut, while the two others will remain safe. When they come on stage and Nate says their name is Compromise, Cowell asks if they got along. Nancy immediately says, "no," so Simon asks Kristin, who he calls Blondie, how she responds to that. She's whines that she's just so tired of the drama, that it's so distracting and she wants it to go away. Simon says, "So you won't be having dinner together tonight?" And Blondie, wide-eyed, says "Me and you?" Oy. They begin to sing Duffy's "Mercy." Crying boy looks and sounds good and Blondie sounds better than good. Nancy, well, she sucks. Screws up the lyrics and is totally off key. Simon says it's obvious they don't like each other and they sounded like they were trying to sabotage each other on backups. He then says that he thinks one of the girls is safe and the other isn't. It's as simple as that. Kristin tries to make a supportive move toward the crying Nancy, who moves away from Kristin. Paula pronounces the judges results and Crying Boy tries to hug Nancy, the only one cut, but she turns away from him and walks off. There's no love in this room tonight. Nancy walks past Kristin, and from the double bleep we're pretty sure she says f**k you to her. And so it goes.

Watch video of Team Compromise (Nathanial Marshall, Nancy Wilson, Kristin McNamara)

Next week: Hollywood Week continues and the Top 36 are announced.

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© 2009

American Idol Season 8Phoenix Auditions

Well, we were prepared to be bored by this season and feared that the departure of Nigel Lythgoe and changes the remaining executive producers were making would be to the show's detriment. But we have to admit that Season 8's premiere episode was pretty satisfying overall. It moved at a fairly rapid pace and concentrated as much -- if not more -- on the good singers as the horrible ones. What about new judge Kara DioGuardi? We had no problem with her. The clips didn't feature that many comments from her, but there was nothing objectionable about her either.

Phoenix was the first audition city featured, incorrectly identified by Paula Abdul as the home of Jordin Sparks (that would be Glendale, Ariz., Paula). The temperature was hot, and so were many of the auditioners. Unfortunately Tuan Nguyen, a 20-year-old music student from Biloxi, Miss., was not one of them. A Michael Jackson wannabe, the most remarkable thing about Tuan was his giant afro which moved and swayed with his singing and dancing. He sang "The Way You Make Me Feel." He made us feel as if the show was off to a lousy start. Unlike Randy Jackson, we were unamused by his '60s hair.

Watch video of Tuan Nguyen

If the next auditioner looked familiar, it's because Emily Wynne-Hughes, with the multi-colored hair and bearing more tats on her arms than Carly Smithson, has been featured singing "Barracuda" innumerable times in "Idol" promo spots the past few weeks. A singer in the all-girl band Go Betty Go, she belted out her audition and was given the green light by all four judges after telling them if she received a golden ticket to Hollywood she'd be screwing her bandmates out of the European tour that they were about to depart on. But don't fall in love with Emily. According to Vote for the Worst, she failed to make the top 50 in Hollywood. But hey, she did make the European tour. That's her singing at The Orto Bar in Ljubljana, Slovenia.

Watch video of Emily Wynne-Hughes

Randy Madden (allegedly 28) fancies himself to be an untrained rocker who looks the role, but he resembles a burnt out 40-year-old in his Halloween rocker costume, complete with bandanna. Madden is a sensitive rocker -- way too sensitive. He cried when he started telling the judges how much auditioning meant to him. When Simon Cowell starts rolling his eyes before you even sing, you know you're in trouble. Madden did a mediocre job with Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer" (a bad song to audition poorly with as it was David Cook's audition song as well). Simon found the rendition wimpy and cliched. And Madden didn't stop crying, when he was rejected and afterwards outside the audition room.

Watch video of Randy Madden

Next up was 16-year-old J.B. Ahfua, who has a nice sweet voice, but little personality. Overall he is bland. After he snags his ticket to Hollywood, surrounded by his father and brothers, he cries as he tells Ryan Seacrest how much this means to him, how it can change his family's whole world. His father, looking uncomfortable, tries to avoid the camera. It's one of those sensitive Idol moments, but being objective, we bet J.B. didn't make the cut for the Top 50. There just wasn't enough substance there.

Watch video of J.B. Ahfua

It's weird contestant time again with Michael Gurr, whose last name is an apt description for his singing style. He gives a gutteral reworking to Carrie Underwood's "Starts With Goodbye," and Simon and Paula tell him they didn't understand a word of it. Simon says he could have been singing in Bulgarian. Next, he takes on a song written by Kara with even worse results. Totally self-deluded, Gurr is beyond bad. He's sad, pathetic and not even mildly amusing. A total waste of time with zero entertainment value.

Watch video of Michael Gurr (At the end of the video. Sorry, it was the only version we could find)


At least the next loser contestant is funny. Aundre "Xray" Caraway was manic and couldn't stop moving around. He arrives with a guitar, but places it aside when he enters the audition room and never plays it for the judges. He sings and dances to his original song about cacti. Uh-huh. When he's rejected, he -- surprise! -- wants a second chance. His pleading only wins him a bouncer-escorted trip out of the audition room.

Watch video of Aundre "Xray" Caraway

Next up, a youngster so cute and giving, you know she's going to make it through before she even sings one note. We learn that 16-year-old Arianna Afsar started a singing group called Adopt-a-Grandfriend after she discovered that many senior and nursing home residents don't have anyone to visit them. Her group entertains and befriends the elderly in those places. All together now -- Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Arianna does a lot more justice to Corinne Bailey Rae's "Put Your Records On" than Antonella Barba ever did, but it's just one of those songs that doesn't song good to us unless we're listening to the original. No surprise, she is beloved by the judges and easily moves to the next round.

Watch video of Arianna Afsar

That's the end of Day 1 in Phoenix and Ryan tells us that nine others we didn't see made the cut as well.

Day 2 starts out with cashier Elijah Scarlett. His voice is so low, that Ryan and the judges think it's not real. But we've been there, done that last season with James Lewis. If you recall, he was the tour guide who had everyone in stitches with his version of "Let My People Go," pronouncing people as pipple. Elijah, like James, seems like a nice enough guy, born with a voice definitely not made for singing. He proves it by mostly talking his way through Barry White's "My First, My Last, My Everything." When he finishes, Simon asks him, "Have you ever seen this show?" and eventually tells him it was like something out of a horror movie. You can nearly see the idea lightbulb go on over Paula's head when Simon says this. She offers Elijah the encouraging career advice to go after voice-overs in monster movies. Right.

Watch video of Elijah Scarlett

Lea Marie Golde, a 16-year-old wearing a pink cowboy hat, cowboy boots, a tight pink top and little denim skirt is our nomination for most annoying contestant of the night. She is also Kara's biggest fan. Lea Marie has already written over 100 original songs and views herself as a Kara in the making. Voice-wise, she tells us she is a cross between Hillary Duff and Madonna. If she makes it to Hollywood, we vow to shot ourselves -- or the TV. She sings "Every Time We Touch" by Cascada and the judges tell her she needs to work on her voice (and her hubris). She vows to come back next year and try out again. Please. Don't.

Watch video of Lea Marie Golde

Finally, we get a couple of viable contestants. Wearing a black-and-white cow-patterned shirt, 16-year-old Stevie Wright, named after Stevie Nicks, does a more-than-acceptable version of Etta James' "At Last." There's something very likable about her and we think she has potential to develop into more than what we saw at the audition. After she leaves the audition room, Kara remarks, "That's my girl," while Paula compares her to Kelly Clarkson.

Watch video of Stevie Wright

She is followed by Michael Sarver, who works as a roughneck on an oil rig, a job he says is the fifth most dangerous in the world. (Who ranks these things anyway, and on what criteria?). His wife worries about him getting hurt on the job and he, too, is looking to win this competition to change the lives of his family, which also includes his two kids. He does an OK rendition of "Thank You" by Boyz II Men, but the judges were more impressed than we were. Simon says he has likeability. OK, we didn't get any particular vibes, but then again, we're just seeing snippets.

Watch video of Michael Sarver

Katrina Darrell, who has been hyped all evening as the girl in the bikini, is the second most annoying contestant of the night. Even more annoying than her teeny bikini is her I'm all that and a bag of chips demeanor. Well, she's not. She tells us prior to the audition that she has a thing for Ryan and has names for all their children. She then tells Ryan they're going to makeout after she gets her ticket to Hollywood. When she walks into the audition room, Simon's eyes bug out of his head and in his mind he's already put her through. Then he actually does. Randy follows, saying she has a lot of potential. The ladies are stunned. Kara tells Katrina she doesn't have the chops to sing Mariah Carey's "Vision of Love," and then demonstrates how the song should be sung. Katrina disses Kara, saying her demonstration wasn't that good either. Paula's incensed by Katrina's remark to Kara, but Simon agrees with it. Kara asks Katrina her name and Katrina answers, "Katrina Derrell." Kara says, "Oh, 'cause we just know you as Top and Bottom." Katrina shoots her a look. Paula, knowing it's a 2-2 tie and that Simon holds the tie-breaking vote, tells her "Welcome to Hollywood." Kara mumbles, "Next time come naked." Kara finds Ryan and begins to try making out with him. The best part of the night: the producers accompany this footage with Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl." And it's obvious they meant the music to refer to Katrina, not Ryan. Then Katrina jumps into the pool with her heels on. Did she drown? We hope so.

Watch video of Katrina Darrell

Eric "Sexual Chocolate" Thomas, does a karaoke version of Stevie Wonder's "Ribbon in the Sky." Before singing he displays his nickname tatted on his back, and Kara and Paula tell him it appears to read Chacolate instead of Chocolate. The judges read in his notes that if he doesn't make it to Hollywood his mother is going to buy him a car. The judges pass, but his mother hugs him outside the audition room. Maybe they then went car shopping.

Watch video of Eric "Sexual Chocolate" Thomas

The judges almost take a pass on perky Brianna Quijada as well, who does a just-adequate version of Denise Williams "Let's Hear it For the Boy." But even though he didn't like her singing, Simon decides at the last moment that he likes her. She says, "I like you, too, Si-Mee," and she slips through. And though there is something stupidly likable about her, she'll be gone in a second in Hollywood.

Watch video of Brianna Quijada

Ryan tells us that although most auditioners bring family for support, 25-year-old Deanna Brown has come by herself. Turns out that Deanna has an interesting -- and memorable -- quality to her voice. She is also very composed and thoughtful. We liked her version of Otis Redding's "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay" and hope she made it to the top 50 as well. BTW, she calls mom after she makes it through and mom tells her how proud she is of her. A real catch-in-the-throat manipulative Idol moment.

Watch video of Deanna Brown

Teen Cody Sheldon likes making bloody horror films. Sorry, but there's something creepy about him. He does a decent job with James Morrison's "Wonderful World," and gets through, partially, we think, because the judges didn't expect him to be able to sing the song at all.

Watch video of Cody Sheldon

We thought Alex Wagner-Trugman, 19, was the biggest surprise of the night. Alex taught himself to sing in a moldy closet, which ultimately made him sick. He no longer sings there, leading Simon to comment, "so you've just come out of the closet?" The other judges rag on Simon for his comment, but Alex handles it -- and Simon -- with aplomb. Alex has a very unusual singing voice. He asked Randy to sing the choruses with him on James Ingram's "Baby Come to Me," proving that Randy is a musician and not a singer. Although Alex's voice is strange it also was totally in pitch and enjoyable. Simon didn't like his performance, so Alex offered to sing "God Save the Queen," a comment Simon didn't appreciate. But the kid has wit and smarts, and fortunately got a thumbs up from the other three judges. We look forward to his Hollywood appearances.

Watch video of Alex Wagner-Trugman

Finally, there was Scott MacIntyre, a young man who is visually disabled but amazingly accomplished. He is a singer-songwriter who plays piano, skis, dances and supposely has already recorded six albums. He sang Billy Joel's "And So It Goes." We thought it was nice and tender, if not great. He easily impresses the judges and makes it through. But, again, don't fall in love with MacIntyre, as his Web site and MySpace page -- where he sounds amazing -- are fully up and functional, which is not permissable for contestants who make the top 50 cut.

Watch video of Scott MacIntyre

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