Porcelana Patino: Pay Attention to Me!

Maybe she didn't like being known as the girl from New York whose name was the same as a face cream that fades dark spots on your skin. Or maybe she didn't like that Jamie Lynn Ward was getting the Idol Season 6 sympathy vote a la Season 5's Kellie Pickler. Or maybe she just wanted more attention.

Porcelana Patino managed to grab another few seconds in her 15 minutes of fame after some New York tabloids received calls on Friday Feb. 2, informing them that Patino's father had been injured in a hit-and-run accident and that she, an "American Idol" contestant, was at his bedside at Elmhurst Hospital. But called in by who? You see, this was not a breaking news story. It turns out that Mario Alfonso Astudillo, Patino's father, who suffered four broken ribs, a broken shoulder and a broken leg in the incident, was actually hospitalized either on Wednesday Jan. 24 (the night his daughter's New York Idol audition aired on Fox/5), or on Monday Jan. 29, depending on whose version of the events you want to believe.

As Elmhurst resident Patino, 27, delicately expressed it to the New York Post, "The day everybody in the world sees the freaking show, I was here. I got a taped copy. I'm on the ICU floor with my dad, and everybody's like 'I just saw you on 'American Idol.' Is that you?' I have no makeup on and I'm bawling."

Patino told the Post on Friday Feb. 2 that her father had just awoken the day before for the first time since the accident. "My dad just woke up," she said. "My father's response was 'I'm going to miss the show, the show, I'm going to miss the show.' All he is interested in is watching his daughter on the freaking show. Can you believe that?" Er, yeah.

But somehow this report doesn't make sense. The Feb. 3 New York Post article first states Patino was at her father's bedside hours after he was injured, and that a "hit-and-run driver mowed down her father the very night Fox aired the episode [which was Wednesday Jan. 24]..."

Later, the article said that "Astudillo was struck at around 5 a.m. Monday [which would have been Jan. 29] in Elmhurst as he headed to work as a maintenance man for LSG Sky Chefs."

Another newspaper account is even more vague, stating Astudillo was the victim of a hit-and-run accident in Queens last month, and that hours (not days) later in Elmhurst Hospital Center Patino's father had only one thing on his mind: To watch his daughter's quest to become the next American Idol. But according to Patino's version in the New York Post, her father was unconscious until Thursday Feb. 2. So who's zooming who here? In the words of our idol, Judge Judy: "When you tell the truth you don't have to remember your lies."

And we think Patino, who reportedly sings in the choir at St. Joan of Arc Roman Catholic Church in Jackson Heights, maybe should start praying there as well; praying that she doesn't get caught in any more of her publicity-seeking stunts.

JAMIE LYNN WARD'S FAMILY RESPONDS

In an interview with the The Eden Daily News, Beverly Emory Ward, Idol contestant Jamie Lynn Ward's stepmommy, says she has trouble remembering much of Feb. 25, 2006 or who called the police that night. She's also not sure what made her husband, James Woodrow Ward, so angry that he shot her three times in the back and left arm with a 9-mm handgun, resulting in numerous surgeries and the loss of use of that arm.

But she said, "I remember seeing blue lights. I remember looking back at my husband, and I remember him looking at me like I was somebody he didn't know. I remember him saying, 'God forgive me for what I'm about to do.' I remember him pointing the gun at me, and I remember him shooting me three times."

But she never dreamed that stepdaughter Jamie Lynn would tell a national audience the story, so she said she had told relatives to watch the Idol Birmingham show. After Jamie's audition aired, Ward's her phone started ringing with relatives asking if she knew of Jamie's comments beforehand.

"Emotionally, it just about destroyed me," Beverly said. "She was on 'American Idol.' She should have been talking about herself and not dragging this back up." She also said Jamie Lynn's story wasn't accurate and that she wasn't cheating on James and wasn't caught in the act. "There wasn't anyone else in the house," she said.

"He had been drinking and had taken a Valium," Beverly said. "When he wasn't drinking, he was very kind. Ordinarily, he's a kind and generous person, but sometimes when he started drinking, he would think things that really wasn't so."

Beverly said she didn't press charges because she didn't think the person who shot her was the same person she had married. "That was just not my husband," she said. "That was just something I would have never expected him to do. If he hadn't been drinking, and hadn't taken that Valium, it wouldn't have happened."

Beverly said she didn't talk to James, who was paralyzed from the shooting, for six months after the incident. "He apologized," she said. "I really felt like my husband was sorry for what he had done. ... I know it does sound kinda weird," she said. "But I can't hate him for what he done. I might not understand why he did it, but I love my husband."

Since their June 2006 reconnection, Beverly has been helping to take care of James, but says that despite what Jamie Lynn told the Reidsville Review on Thursday, she has no plans to move back in with James. "My husband and I are not living together," Beverly said. "We haven't made any definite plans because I'm still in therapy, trying to get my medications right."

Sue Ward, Jamie Lynn's grandmother and James' mother, said that the family wasn't made aware of Jamie's comments on "American Idol" until they aired. "I don't know what possessed [Jamie] to say that," she said. "I don't know if it was her nerves or if they just pressed her for her story."

Since the show aired Sue Ward said she's been wary of speaking to the press because of the way words are edited and taken out of context. "It seems like everything you say is just twisted around," she said. She also doesn't like the way the story is focusing on James instead of Jamie. "I don't want publicity for Jamie because of James," she said, adding that she hopes Jamie's singing talents, not her background story, will make her successful.

... In case you haven't heard, "Idol" executive producer Nigel Lythgoe says that he never called Courtney Love, and there are "no plans to add to or replace" Paula, Randy, or Simon. Lythgoe says he's "afraid someone may have misrepresented me." Meanwhile, in a post on her Web site, Love said she "woul dnever [sic] ever do that" and "i couldnt even get ON that show nor would I wantt o" and the Us magazine story "misrepresented and misquoted" her. Perhaps she just needs a good typing school.

... Remember Memphis contestant Sundance Head, whose dad, Roy Head, had a 1965 hit called "Treat Her Right"? Idol only showed you a teeny snippet of Roy. So, for those of you too young to remember him and his hit, check out this YouTube video of good-looking (well, the helmet-head look could use a restyle) Roy and his elastic legs on TV's "Shindig."


IDOL ALUMNI NEWS

In a nasty little bitch slap, TMZ.com says that since appearing on Idol three years ago, now 19-year-old Season 3 runner-up Diana DeGarmo has turned her look into that of a 42-year-old soccer mom. TMZ says "DeGarmo arrived at a book signing in New York this week, looking twice her age in a mid-90s menopause red 'Rachel' bob and enough pancake [makeup] to smother her entire 'Hairspray' cast. Unless DeGarmo is interested in reporting the news on Telemundo, she might want to ease up on the RuPaul rouge. Work it, mija!"

Personally, we prefer how she looked right after Idol, when she released her first album, the look shown here. Judge for yourself.

You can sample Elliott Yamin's single "Movin' On" right now on YouTube.com. Available digitally on Feb. 13, it's jazzy R&B sound is the kind Elliott performed best on Idol. With the right marketing, he could very well have a hit, especially with his "hot" new look.

Idol Chartwatch reports that in album sales:

• Pretty Ricky and the Shins’ "Late Night Special" bounced "Daughtry" down to #3 despite sales of over 80,000 albums, a 23 percent increase over last week’s sales. Daughtry was #2 on the Digital Sales chart, #2 on the Rock chart, and #7 on the Internet Album Sales chart.
• Carrie Underwood’s "Some Hearts" dropped to #14 on the Billboard 200. It remained #1 on the Country chart.
• Taylor Hicks was down to #63 on the Billboard 200.
• Fantasia was #75 on the Billboard 200 and #17 on the R&B/Hip-Hop chart.
  
• Kellie Pickler’s Small Town Girl was #56 on the Billboard 200 and #9 on the Country chart.
• Ruben Studdard’s "The Return" was #58 on the R&B/Hip-Hop chart.
• Kelly Clarkson’s "Breakaway" was #38 on the Pop Catalog chart.
  

Idols on the Singles Charts this week:

• Chris Daughtry’s “It’s Not Over” was #4 on the Hot 100, #21 on the Hot 100 Airplay chart, #4 on the Pop 100, #10 on the Pop 100 Airplay chart, #2 on Hot Digital Tracks, #2 on Hot Digital Sales, and #8 on the Adult Top 40 listing.
• Bucky Covington’s “A Different World” was #45 on the Country chart.
• Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats” was #35 on the Hot 100, #41 on the Hot 100 Airplay chart, #45 on the Pop 100, #29 on Hot Digital Tracks, #35 on Hot Digital Sales, and #26 on the Adult Top 40. Her latest single, “Wasted,” continues to climb the Country chart where it was #21 this week. It also showed up on the Bubbling Under (Hot 100) chart at #8.
• Kimberley Locke’s “Change” was #23 on the Adult Contemporary chart.
• Clay Aiken’s “A Thousand Days” was #30 on the Adult Contemporary chart.
• Fantasia’s “Hood Boy” was #31 on the Hot R&B/Hip Hop Singles chart, #31 on the R&B Airplay chart, and was #34 on the Adult R&B list.
• Ruben Studdard’s single “Change Me” was #22 on the Hot R&B/Hip Hop Singles, #224 on the R&B/Hip-Hop Airplay Chart, and #2 on the R&B Adult airplay list. It was #73 on the Hot 100 Airplay chart.
• Jennifer Hudson’s “And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going” was #79 on the Hot 100, #74 on the Pop 100, # 23 on the Hot R&B/Hip Hop Singles chart, #23 on the R&B Airplay chart, and #15 on the R&B Adult airplay list. The dance remix of the song was #38 on the Hot Dance Club Play chart.
• Kellie Pickler’s “Red High Heels” was #67 on the Hot 100, #71 on the Pop 100, #18 on the Country chart, and #72 on the Host Digital Songs listing.
• Josh Gracin’s “I Keep Coming Back” was #30 on the Country chart.
• Katharine McPhee’s “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” / “My Destiny,” was #5 on the Single Sales chart this week and Taylor Hicks' “Do I Make You Proud” / “Takin’ it to the Streets” was #20.

Upcoming Idol Releases:
Hits Daily Double is predicting that Katharine McPhee’s album will sell around 100,000 copies in its first week.

e-mail Idol Addict
© 2007

Sweet (and Sour) Home Alabama

Ah, Birmingham, the city that gave us Ruben Studdard, Bo Bice and Taylor Hicks. How could we lose? Well, apparently by a country mile. Not that there weren't good voices, some 20 tryouts snagged their Golden Tickets to Hollywood. But folks, that meant the rest of the 11,000 went home empty-handed, and Fox wanted to make sure we saw, and heard, that Southern contestants could be as hard on the ears and eyes as anyone else. However, there was a difference between the tryouts in Birmingham and other cities. These folks were almost all unfailingly polite when told "no" by the judges. Most said "thank you" as they left. Few begged to sing another song; fewer still cursed and screamed, though there were some tears.

By now, any Idol fan should know that the No. 1 way to get Simon pissed at you is to sing "Unchained Melody" badly. Yet, it seems to be the song of choice for innumerable lousy singers who, in their delusional states, actually think they're going to win Cowell over by butchering the Righteous Brothers classic. First up, Alabama homegirl Erica Skye, who said if she doesn't make it as a singer she would probably do something in the dental field. Sinking her teeth into "Unchained Melody," she chewed it up and spit it out. How bad was she? According to Simon, merely "neverending torture." And when she tried to mangle a Dixie Chicks tune after being told "no," Paula got up and left the judges' table.

The weirdness and badness continued with newlywed Katie Bernard, whose speaking voice made Paris Bennett's almost sound normal. She assured the judges that her singing voice was different, and it is. Nonetheless, we thought her version of "A House Is Not a Home" the strangest we've ever heard, her voice sometimes rich and full, other times a barely audible whisper (when we suspect she couldn't hit the right notes). Shockingly, Randy wanted to give her another chance in Hollywood, but Paula wisely told her to stay home with her new husband, an idea that seemed repugnant to Katie, compared with becoming the next Idol. After bringing her husband into the room and pleading with the judges, in a stroke of madness, Paula let her through. Yeah, she'll be gone in a Hollywood flash, but what about all the other, better singers (Memphis' Frank Byers Jr. anyone?) who weren't given that chance?

Over the course of the hour, covering the two days of auditions, we were also subjected to Brandy Patterson, who murdered Madonna's "Like a Virgin" than gave judges Jackson and Cowell (Paula did not show up for Birmingham's second day because she had to return to Hollywood on family business) no end of lip, first sarcastically, then profane.

Then there were the twin fashion and voice disasters. The first was Diana Walker, a big girl who claimed to be a former cheerleader, who badly mangled Whitney Houston's "Saving All My Love." Her dress, with its pink netting top and tight black bottom, made her look as if she had no breasts but had ingested a beach ball, and seemed to amuse Simon even more than her voice. And we suffered through Margaret Fowler, who at first claimed to be 26 but later fessed up to 50 (which we even doubted) and whose name seemed to be the inspiration for her head-to-toe yellow feathered Big Bird-like outfit. Question: Did anyone intentionally blind themselves after Fowler lifted her blouse TWICE and exposed her abdomen and tight stretch pants? Margaret, if we want to see flesh badly in need of diet and exercise we'll look in a mirror. We really don't need to see yours.

Lakia Hill, who told the judges she had "the whole package," was sadly pathetic, but polite, and left without a fuss after being turned down. And then there was Cousin Itt Victoria Watson and her mom (what is it with the bizarro mother and daugter look-alikes this year?), who has been growing her six-foot-long hair her whole life. Actually, her rendition of Josh Groban's "You Raise Me Up" sounded just as good as Kevin Covais' audition last season, but there was no Paula to save her, and Randy capitulated to Simon's not putting her through.

Nichole Gatzman was another borderline singer who
probably deserved to make it to the Hollywood round (especially since helium-voiced Katie Bernard was going). She sang a fairly decent version of "Something to Talk About," and for a second we thought Simon and Randy would give her a thumbs up, in spite of what Simon called her nasally voice. But in the end, with no female presence to defend her, she, too, got the boot from the boys.

In a bit of a surprise, Paula was the reason that Bernard Williams II almost didn't make it to Hollywood. We liked his performance of Michael Jackson's "Rock With You," as did Simon, who gave him a "100 percent yes." Then Paula said she liked the tone of his voice but that he was totally off key. Luckily for Bernard, he and Randy had a "dawg" moment and he received his Golden Ticket.

There was no such hesitation with Tatiana McConnico, a 17-year-old student attending a performing arts high school, who said she was born to be a singer. She loves the show and the judges loved her version of “I Never Loved a Man,” putting her through easily to Hollywood.

The "I Wannabe Kellie Pickler Sob Story of the Night" award is presented to 17-year-old Jamie Lynn Ward. You see, Jamie Lynn's daddy isn't in prison, he only should be. But he is paralyzed from the neck down ("but it's OK") and po' l'il Jamie Lynn helps her grandma take care of her daddy ("but it's OK"). Apparently, daddy caught stepmommy cheatin', so he shot her. Then he shot himself ("but it's OK"). This backstory was so melodramatic, we wondered whether it was fabricated (but it's OK). And we were incredibly annoyed by her "but it's OKs." OK for whom? Your cheatin' bullet-ridden stepmommy? You're paralyzed from the neck down daddy? You? And yes, we couldn't help wondering who was going to help take care of daddy while Jamie Lynn is Hollywood, a reward she received for an adequate rendition of Christina Aguilera's “Reflection.”

Most enjoyable performance of the evening goes to Chris Sligh, who entertained with his humor as much as with his singing. He did a respectable version of Seal's "Kiss From a Rose." And he was FUN-NY. He said some people say he looks like Jack Osbourne, while others say he looks like Jack Black, but he looks in the mirror and sees Christina Aguilera. When Simon asked him why he was there, he answered that he wanted to make David Hasselhoff cry, in a reference to the big teardrop dripping down Hasselhoff's face after Taylor Hicks won last season. And after he got his Golden Ticket to Hollywood with three "yeses," he said that he won the judges over with his personality: "I just looked at Paula and she crumbled into my chubby little hands."

Could Hollyweird be any weirder than this? Check it out tonight, when the road show moves home to Los Angeles (San Antonio was on the original schedule for tonight).

Love for Idol?

In a move that could only be described as jumping from the frying pan into the fire if true, UsMagazine.com says that Courtney Love exclusively told the site that Idol executive producer Nigel Lythgoe called her office last week inquiring into whether she would be interested in sitting in as a judge on the hit FOX show.

"He called," Love said. "He was wondering if I was interested. I thought it was kind of weird but brilliant." Love, who is currently in L.A. recording a solo album, declined to reveal any more specific details. But a source told Usmagazine.com that Lythgoe was considering having Love "replace Paula."

American Idol reps could not immediately be reached for comment.

Alumni News

According to Newsday's Robert Kahn, "Broadway Backwards 2," where singers perform standards traditionally associated with members of the opposite sex, has its second coming Feb. 26. Rosie O’Donnell, Betty Buckley, Bebe Neuwirth, Tony Roberts, Jose Llana, Liz Callaway, Len Cariou and downtown theater legend Charles Busch are already signed on for the gender-bending benefit, to be held at 37 Arts in Manhattan.

Last year’s inaugural concert featured show tunes with a twist, such as Andrea Burns’ rendition of "Maria" from "West Side Story." This time around, expect curiosities such as "I Don’t Know How to Love Him," from "Jesus Christ Superstar," as performed Season 4 American Idol finalist Constantine Maroulis.

The concert, with musical direction by Seth Rudetsky, benefits New York’s Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center. Tickets are $35 to $250; call 212-307-4100.

e-mail Idol Addict
© 2007