American Idol Season 8New York-San Juan Auditions

It was an interesting evening. The last audition show for Season 8 was the first in which two cities were shown on the same night, or so Ryan Seacrest claimed. In this case it was New York and San Juan, Puerto Rico. "Idol" tried to tie the two together with such commonalities: This was the first time the cities have been linked since "West Side Story" (proving the producers reside neither in the Empire State nor The City That Never Sleeps) and they are both are islands. Hey producers, we found another one: Both places have trees!

After the show we discovered that "Vote for the Worst" had received a leaked list of the Top 36 Idol semifinalists, which it and Jo's Place, the Web site responsible for the majority of correct Idol leaks, believe to be accurate. We have posted the list on another page, so as not to spoil the surprise for those who want to wait for the Feb. 11 official announcement. But it you can't wait, click the link in the posting at the bottom of this page.

Finally, we received a funny and nice comment from Chris Kirkham of Ogden, Utah. You may recall him from Wednesday night's show. He brought his good luck grabbit (friend Greg dressed in a pink rabbit suit) into the audition room with him. We had written that "Chris wasn't terrible, but sounded a bit like a cross between a country singer and a Munchkin from the Wizard of Oz" and that "His big mistake was not auditioning in Jacksonville, where the judges put through a number of tryouts with no better voices than his," to which Chris responded:

Hey there! This is Chris Kirkham. Good coverage! Glad you enjoyed us bounce around haha! Twas a fun experience, next time I'll head to Jacksonville. Without a Grabbit.

And I think next time I'll sing the "Lollypop Guilde!" Haha! Country Munchkin sounds like a great band name too.

I actually gave them some of Eric Clapton's "Change the World," which I thought was my stronger song, but due to copyright reasons they told me to sing another, which ended up being Ain't No Mountain. (It was infact the song they had us learn for the audition process).
Fun times! Hope I get another chance next year!

Thanks Chris! We never know what fun will await us next with this blog, LOL.

The episode starts with Adeola Adegoke, 19, a bank teller from The Bronx. As soon as we hear she's singing Jennifer Hudson's version "And I Am Telling You," from "Dream Girls," we suspect things won't go well. After all, how many contestants other than LaKisha Jones from Season 6 are going to knock it out of the park singing that song? Adeola tells the judges that she is so confident that she will be the next American Idol that she quit her job. They look discomforted, especially after she opens her mouth and becomes the prime example of that old saying, "Don't quit your day job." Simon Cowell calls her rendition "shockingly bad," but after she leaves the audition room, Cowell feels so bad about the whole fiasco, he calls her boss and asks if Adeola can have her job back, saying that he thinks she is terrific. Adeola's boss agrees with Simon and says, "yes," she can have her job back. Whether Adeola knew it or not, it was the best "yes" vote she could have received that day.

Watch video of Adeola Adegoke

First up in San Juan is student Jorge Nunez, 20, who will have much better luck that Adeola. Jorge first sings "My Way" in Spanish and it is beautiful, but Paula Abdul is concerned about how Jorge sings in English, so he gives her a bit of "What a Wonderful World." It's also very good, but not as strong as his first song. Kara DioGuardi tells him that she felt more when he sang in Spanish (we agree)and that there were some pronunciation problems with his English. Once again Simon is the voice of reason, explaining to Kara that they're in Puerto Rico because they actually wanted to find someone who sings with an accent, otherwise they would have just gone to Omaha. Randy Jackson tells Jorge, "Dawg, I loved you, man. I thought it was brilliant, man," with Paula adding, "he has the power of Marc Anthony." Let's just hope he doesn't have Anthony's cocky attitude as well. Jorge receives four emphatic yesses. We are happy.

Watch video of Jorge Nunez

Waitress Jessika Baier, 20, traveled from Michigan to Puerto Rico to audition, where her odds should have been good considering how few people showed up there as compared to the other "Idol" venues. (As we recall, instead of the thousands elsewhere, it was reported only a hundred or so actually turned up in San Juan.) She tells the judges she has been in 700 singing competitions and won a lot of them. That singing is her source of income. She sings Celine Dion's "I Surrender." It's not terrible, it's OK, but it is very loud and shrill. Simon is put off by her immediately (well she isn't one of the perky pretty blonde he seems to prefer this year) and when she hits a very big note singing the lyric "I surrender," Cowell puts up his hand for her to stop and says, "So do we." She begins to plead and he tells her it was absolutely awful and he can't believe she's won all these shows. Her pleading gets worse including a childish foot-stomping tantrum. Kara appeals to Simon to give her a chance with another song, but that just pisses Cowell off more. Randy tells Jessika the sound of her voice is not on point and that it's not good. Jessika tells Simon she can prove to him she can sing, to which he retorts, "Jessika, I can swim but I'm not going to win 10 Olympic medals at the Olympic games." It's getting ugly and uncomfortable in the audition room and at this point, we're really annoyed with the whining and begging. Paula tries to explain to Jessika that the entire audition bordered on "shrilling." Kara tries to jump in, but Simon ends the debate with a vote. At last, it is over and Jessika is gone.

Watch video of Jessika Baier

It's back to New York for Melinda Camile, 21, a pretty young woman with an infectious smile. She is a bit of a flake, though, so we're not surprised to learn she is unemployed. Says she feels a shift in the universe and wants to be part of it, is "down for any experience that can bring enlightenment" and gets great joy from dancing naked at home. Alrighty then. Still, there is something about her, even before she sings. Simon tells her she looks very fresh when she enters the room. It could be that loose summery dress with no undergarments and very revealing cleavage. But when she starts giving Simon her Miss America "I want to uplift humanity with my voice" speech, his eye-rolling begins. When she gets to the shift in the universe section, Simon says, "Paula's been saying that for years." Paula takes it seriously. Now we're rolling our eyes. When Kara asks if she wishes she could be naked right now, Melinda answers, "If all of you were." Is this getting interesting or boring? Fortunately, she gives what we think is a great audition with "Feeling Good," in tune, good phrasing, nice tone. She giggles afterward, and Simon says, "You're a happy little thing, aren't you?" Randy likes her voice, while Kara tells her she's like a vitamin boost. Needless to say, since they exist on the same astral plane, Paula says 100 percent yes. The other three judges agree and Melinda is through to Hollywood.

Watch video of Melinda Camile

We remain in New York for actor-singer Jackie Tohn, 27, a rocker who has been performing for 10 years, encouraged by her father who also told her there are many singers and that she should learn to play an instrument (she does, guitar). She has a contemporary feel and a pleasing raspy voice. She starts off with Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours," but Simon wants another song that will demonstrate her normal voice. She sings "I'll Do It All," and we really like it. Paula says, "Jackie, you're unpredictable and surprising and it's all good." Randy like her husky tone (we do, too). Kara likes her, as well, and wants to see what Jackie will do next, so Jackie asks her, "what direction do you think I should go in?" Simon tells her "The worst thing you can do is ask ..." when suddenly the sun shield on the windows behind the judges' table collapses. It's a scary moment and they're lucky none of them were injured. Simon takes it in stride and continues, "The worse thing you can do is ask, 'Who should I be?' A good artist knows who they are. Jackie ... you've got four yesses, out you go."

Watch video of Jackie Tohn

Now it's goofy time at "Idol," and we start with street performer Joel Contreras, 23. We see footage of him acting like an idiot all over the city. He comes to the audition dressed as, he says, "The Human iPod slash Guypod." Oh, joy. Kara asks, "Who's going to press "play"? Actually, it is pretty funny when he makes believe he's turning the iPod's wheel and mimicks the sound it makes pretty damn near exactly. Simon's eyes begin to roll as Joel presses the play icon on the cutout he's wearing. He begins to sing and Simon stops him after a couple of seconds and asks for another song. Joel throws his cutout to the side and actually begins to sing ... very dramatically, stopping after every line and posturing. Sad thing is, he has a good voice. We think he could actually sound like Marc Anthony if he could only get serious. Ha! Simon stops him saying, "OK, I can't listen to this anymore. I really really can't. It's just awful. It's everything I hate. ... I mean, the whole act is excrutiatingly bad." Unfazed, Joel pulls out a lion puppet and begins to sing "The Circle of Life." He gets four "no's," picks up his props and runs out of the room screaming (as if he won), "Yeah, baby, I got a 'no.' I got a 'no.' I got a 'no.' " We had to laugh. We still do, rewatching it. Even the judges look amused.

Watch video of Joel Contreras

New York, never to be outdone by another city, offers up Nick "Normund Gentle" Mitchell. He runs into the audition room wearing a horrible shiny polyester shirt, shorts, glasses, wristbands and a sweatband. Simon immediately tells him, "Normund, I hate comedy. I don't want you to be funny, I just want you to be serious." Nick/Normund says OK, and sheds the glasses and sweatband and pulls his shirt out on his shorts and says, "You know what, then it's done. No more comedy. No more comedy." He starts to sing "And I Am Telling You," from "Dream Girls," and after about 20 seconds, Simon stops him and says, "Normund, you said you weren't go to make this funny." Nick/Normund grabs his head and says, "Oh! You hurt me where you get kicked sometimes. That was very hard." Simon, pissed and tired of the gay routine, bashes him with, "I would have thought you would have quite liked that." But Nick/Normund gets the best line of the night and the best laughs, even from Simon, when he shoots back with, "You mean the way you like it when Seacrest does it?" then gives a shimmy of his hips. Laughing, Simon says, "That was funny. That was actually funny," and continues, "Normund, you're sort of becoming more likable now." At Randy's urging, Simon gives Nick/Normund another chance. He's going to sing "Amazing Grace," but Simon warns him not to pull faces. It starts out OK, Nick/Normund actually has a voice, but he can't resist reverting to type. Simon is upset, but the other three are laughing hysterically. Paula smacks the table and declares, "I love you!" Kara declares, "I am so entertained, this is the first time today ... You don't have a shot in hell, but thank you, I'm energized," and gives him a "yes," as do Randy and Paula. Nick/Normund gets his golden ticket.

Watch video of Nick "Normund Gentle" Mitchell

Then we a few of quick clips of three who make it through, receptionist Ashley Hollister, 21, singing "Baby It's You"; Kenny Hoffpauer, 16, doing Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours"; and pretty, blond Kendall Beard, 23, singing Martina McBride's "Ashes" and looking like just the kind of candidate Simon is going to love.

Watch video of Ashley Hollister, Kenny Hoffpauer and Kendall Beard






Back to San Juan for Monique Garcia Torres, 16, who has a moppet's face and looks 12. She also has a wonderful relationship with her younger brother Christopher, who comes into the audition room with her and pimps her to the judges. He gives the judges a shell he brought for them (but it broke) and advises Monique to "think carefully" before choosing the song she will sing. Before she begins, Monique tells her brother, "I love you," and the judges appear to love him, too. Monique first sings The Supremes' "You Can't Hurry Love." We think she has a nice voice, certainly nicer than some who have been put through in previous episodes. We like her next song, "I Turn to You," even better. But Simon thinks she should have done something more in her range and Kara feels her voice isn't fully developed yet. Kara would prefer that Monique have the confidence that her brother exhibits. Randy says "no," that she's not quite ready and Kara agrees. Paula, however, says, "I like you. I say 'yes.'" Now it's up to Simon, who determines the vote in a tie. He does a face shrug looking at Monique's brother, standing stoically on the sidelines with his arms crossed as Monique puts her hands to her face. He tells her the auditions were very old-fashioned and cabaret, but that he's going to give her another shot. Yea!

Watch video of Monique Garcia Torres

We really could have lived without seeing the last New York contestant. Alexis Cohen, 24, she of the foul mouth and FU finger pumps from last year's Philadelphia show. She's obviously somewhat deranged and really annoying, as well. Her first appearance was somewhat humorous but we didn't need a repeat performance. Alexis claims to be a new woman, with a new attitude. Gone is the garish blue sparkly eye makeup from 2008. And she wearing a very proper shimmery silver dress. Still, we know what's coming. She can't sing and overdramatizes Madonna's "Like a Prayer." Simon tells her it is fairly horrendous and that she's actually gotten worse, fully establishing that she can't sing. Alexis answers, "Well, thank you," then swears. She says, "I don't know what else to do but give you the finger," which she does double. The judges applaud and Simon says, "So we're friends again." Alexis tells him, no I don't think we ever could be, that she's come down there too many times just to be told to go home. And on the way out, she calls him an asshole. Well, that was refreshing.

Watch video of Alexis Cohen

We switch back to San Juan for the last performance of the evening, that of singer Patricia Lewis Roman, 20, who comes to the audition with a pack of family and friends. Patricia hopes the venue will be lucky for her, because her parents got married there. But she makes the error of singing Whitney Houston "I Want to Dance With Somebody." Simon tells her that he didn't think that it was good enough, that it was a crazy song choice because it's even a more difficult song to sing than the Whitney ballads, adding "You're always going to come off second or third best," which is what happened then." He gives her 30 seconds to change their minds, and she sings a song in Spanish. It's better. Randy says yes. Paula, surprisingly remains unconvinced and says "no," but she gets through, though we never discover how Simon or Kara vote. She emerges with her ticket to Hollywood and her group bursts into music. The crew brings them all into the audition room and the day ends in celebration.


Watch video of Patricia Lewis Roman

In all, 9 from San Juan and 26 in New York get golden tickets. Next week, we all go to Hollywood, ticket or not.

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© 2009

The Philly Freak Show

Ah, it must be winter. How can you tell? The freak show has come to town ... well at least on TV. And when it comes to freak shows, who does it better than the "American Idol" auditions?

Oh, yes, there are a scant few actual singers we are shown on the audition shows, but Nigel Lythgoe, Ken Warwick et al, have made the auditions more about the memorable weirdos than about the singers we're going to spend the better part of the next five months with, both on TV and in every other form of media on earth.

On the season premiere -- the Philadelphia auditions -- the freaks ruled. There were so many freaks -- scary freaks, sad freaks, funny freaks, out-of-touch-with-reality freaks -- that you'd have to have freak-off to determine the King of Freaks in Philly. By far, the scariest freak of all was the Stalker Freak, Paul Marturano, who
wrote a love song for Paula Abdul whose lyrics rhymed with stalk, and included breaking into her house and putting on her underwear. He was big, scary looking, loud and as the song got worse and worse he kept getting closer to the judges' table. Simon Cowell tried to stop him several times and finally had security escort him out of the room, saying, "I think you should leave. That was really creepy."

Watch video of Paula stalker Paul Marturano :


Then their was the hairy freak (well for a time, anyway) Ben Haar, who entered the room in a black cloak because he wanted his "costume" to be a surprise. (Simon: That isn't your costume?") Sadly, he uncloaked to reveal his hairy overweight body clad in, well, very little. Paula couldn't get past the hairy chest accentuated by his breastplate. When Ben offered to get a wax job and come back, Paula accepted, much to the digust of Simon, and we got to see him getting plucked. Yuck! He returned later to sing "Don'tcha," by The Pussycat Dolls. Thankfully, Simon allowed him to emit only four words note before shutting him up.

Watch video of hairy then hairless Ben Haar :
Hairy Ben


Hairless Ben


Saddest (and funniest) Philly freak was tour guide James Lewis, who said his "unique" voice -- he compared it to Paul Robeson's or Eddie Vedder's -- would bring something different to the show. It's low, get it? How low could he go? Low enough to keep us laughing throughout his segment. When he sang "Go Down Moses," yes you read right, each time he got to the refrain "let my people go" his enunciation of people cracked us up. But not before it cracked up Paula, who started laughing on the first note. Randy Jackson was just a few seconds behind her and had to cover his face with his notes. Admirably, Simon kept a straight face until nearly the end of the performance. What was sad? Like most of Idol's losers, Lewis didn't get what they were laughing at and offered to sing another song. Yikes!

Watch video of James Lewis singing with his "low" voice:


Most tiring freak was Zhengzhong Yu, who put us, and the judges to sleep, with his lullaby.

Watch video of sleep-inducing Zhengzhong Yu:


There was the freak who "bugged" us the most, Mark Hayes, who makes cricket chirps to amuse his friends, when someone makes a joke and it's not funny. Hmmm. Guess what happened after his frightful rendition of "White Christmas"?

Watch video of cricket boy Mark Hayes:


Most full-of-himself freak was Udgeet "Udi" Sampat , who "dances" through business meetings and who says people tell him he sounds like Sinatra or Manilow. Perhaps he meant Chuck Sinatra and Johnny Manilow? After his "performance," Simon inquired, "Did you honestly think, Udi, and I'm gonna ask you this question seriously, that you had any chance of getting through and winning?" Udi: "Yes I did." Simon: "Then you're nuts."

Watch video of dancing man Udgeet "Udi" Sampat:


Most sparkling and obscene freak was 23-year-old Alexis Cohen , who wears glitter makeup because she likes things that shine ("I'm a pirate") and lives in a one-room apartment with mom, dog and cats (the dog smartly was hiding under furniture when the "Idol" cameras arrived). Her command of the English language left something to be desired, with remarks such as "Judges, I plan to knock you on your feet" and "I'm going for actressing." She compared herself to Janis Joplin, Grace Slick and Pat Benatar, and, truth be told, we thought she did a pretty good job with Slick's "Somebody to Love." But as she might say, she was too f---ing freaky and the judges took a pass. Up to that point she was just strange, but after they rebuffed her, she went on a cursing tirade outside the audition room, especially against Simon, and gave him the (well, two) finger/s. She even demonstrated (with her pants on) how she wanted to moon him.

Watch video of glitter girl Alexis Cohen and her finger popping:


There was petite shreiky freak Alyse Wojciechowski, who first demonstrated her Elaine Benes dance moves outside the audition room, then, after telling the judges her main musical influence was Eva Cassidy shreiked her way through "Feeling Good," inspiring Simon to comment that her performance was "identical to a nightmare I had last week."

Watch video of shrieker Alyse Wojciechowski:


There was overage, balding celibate freak Milo Turk, wearing a leopard-print vest who told Ryan he needed to get his message out to the American public, and especially Simon, through his self-composed ditty "No Sex Allowed"

Watch video of chaste Milo Turk:


And, finally, there was "Star Wars" freak Christina Tolisano dressed as Princess Leia, right down to her fake ear-muff looking buns (that kept coming off). She tells us her children will have "Star Wars"-inspired names. She wants out of her Connecticut hometown because there's nothing there for her unless she becomes a corrections officer, which is a possibilty (may the force be with the prisoners). After she left the room, rejected for her Roger Daltry version of "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me," Simon said "Give my love to the Wookie." She too, bitched outside about how American Idol only wants cookie-cutter pop stars.

Watch video of the power not with Christina Tolissano:


And what would an audition show be without a video medley of the lame-os all trying to sing the same song. In this case Joan Jett's "I Love Rock 'n' Roll."

Watch video of the chorus of weird destroy a great song:


Now, of course, there were the poignant moments in the show -- you need some normalcy to balance all the crazy. The ill-named Temptress Brown , a 16-yer-old with a mother with a chronic illness appeared both for herself and her mother. Temptress is built to be the middle linebacker she is and struggled terribly with "And I am Telling You I'm Not Going," the song that both Jennifer Hudson and LaKisha Jones do a grand slam on. Of course, after seeing her supportive, wheelchair-bound mom there to support her "little" girl, we were compelled to feel bad when the inevitable happened -- she failed. Her crying brought Paula and Randy to their feet for a group hug. Simon joined them to walk Temptress out to her parents when she said she couldn't face them.

Watch video of dutiful daughter Temptress Brown:

There was also Alaa "most people call me Yuka" Youakeem, an Egyptian who came to the United States a few years ago. He loves America, he loves American girls, he loves American music. He loves the Bees Gees, especially Mr. Bee Gees. Uh, OK. He sings "How Deep Is Your Love?" Answer -- sorry, not that deep. We love you too, Yuka, we just didn't love your singing. Watching Paula try to tactfully tell Yuka his voice sucked took 5 minutes before she meekly said singing wasn't the field he should be pursuing.

Watch video of Bee Gees backer Alaa "Yuka" Youakeem:


There's always a sad story where the contestant makes it through. Philly's belonged to Angela Martin, whose daughter has Rett Syndrome, similar to cerebral palsy. We were shown footage of her daughter to be made keenly aware of the struggle her young mother is going through. Martin said, "It's not about fame for me. It's about getting her the best care, the best therapists. Because the doctors told me my baby was never gonna walk or talk, and I'm gonna get that for her."

A singer in a wedding band, Angela is also attractive and Simon tells her so. While she didn't wow us with her rendition of "Signed Sealed Delivered," she didn't embarrass herself either. Simon advises her to "de-wedding-ize" her performances.

Watch video of Angela Martin do Stevie Wonder:


And then there was Joey Catalano, who is less than half the man he used to be. But that's a good thing. It's because he has lost over 200 pounds. Fortunately, he didn't lose his voice as well. He sang "Sunday Morning," and we actually liked him better than Elliott Yamin. Paula and Randy were thumbs up. Simon agreed on his voice but wondered if Catalano could actually be an Idol. He doesn't exactly fit the mold, but then, neither did Clay Aiken. But Joey with the great backstory got through on Randy and Paula's votes alone.

Watch video of The Thin Man Joey Catalano:


Also getting through -- barely was Melanie Nyema -- who didn't have the sense to hide the fact that she's been touring as a backup singer for Taylor Hicks. In case you need any proof that there's no love lost between the producers and Hicks, check out the show's new opening. Hicks has been virtually removed -- if you do a frame by frame, you can catch his chin -- and Jordin added (of course, they could both easily be included). And the backdrops at the auditions? Taylor has been moved so far off to the side, it is almost guaranteed his face won't get on camera. Check out the picture at the top of this post. His face is literally behind the potted plant. Melanie's version of "Unwritten" was unimpressive, but she squeaked through because of Randy and Paula.

Watch video of Hicks chick Melanie Nyema:


Others who made it through in Philly were Jose Candelaria , who sang "Unbreak My Heart" in Spanish and sounded pretty decent.




Watch video of Jose Candelaria and his Spanish serenade:


Junot Joyner, who did a surprisingly nice job with Elton John's "The Blues."








Watch video of Junot Joyner:


Even though she didn't impress Simon, we enjoyed Beth Stalker's styling of "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered." Fortunately Paula and Randy agreed.


Watch video of the bewitching Beth Stalker:


Simon seemed to be entranced by Brooke White, Philly's last auditioner. Brooke is a nanny who has never seen an R-rated movie. She doesn't drink, she doesn't smoke. She is so sweet and innocent she makes sugar seem sour. She sang Corinne Bailey Rae's "Like a Star," but we don't think she'll ever be one. She was just a bit too sweetsy to be palatable. Makes Carrie Underwood look like a tramp. Simon said they'll have to bring her over to the dark side a bit and she answered, "I dare you." He said, "Just give me a week, Brooke."

Watch video of sweet young thang Brooke White:


Here are our two favorite contestants from Philly:

Chris Watson just seems custom-made for the Idol mold. Young, black, good looking, nice voice (and didn't sing R&B). He did a fine job with "Follow Me" by Uncle Kracker. According to Simon, he looks like a star (we agree) and told Chris the chicks will like him. Randy wasn't especially impressed. He made it through and we think you'll see more of him.

Watch video of Chris Watson:


Best voice of the night award goes to pretty blonde Kristy Lee Cook, who lives in a log cabin with her family in Oregon. She rides and trains horses, does martial arts, is a cage fighter and kickboxer. Her voice control and modulation on "Amazing Grace" were great. She is personable yet humble. Another blonde who the Idol folks probably would love to mold.

Watch video of country cutie Kristy Lee Cook:


Next it's on to Dallas ...

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© 2008